27 February 2013
Contains swearing. Surprisingly...
Early every morning amid a million yawns and sighs Drag my carcass out of bed and rub my tired eyes Ablute, dress, descend, the first of many cups of tea A kiss goodbye, unlock the door. And I swear he waits for me... In my street at 6am there are spaces everywhere But he'll park across my drive like it's the only space that's there He pretends he doesn't know what my routine is every day But that doesn't stop him parking directly in my way Are you a deliberate wanker, or does it come naturally? Is it something you were born with, for you've got it off to a tee Or is it something that you've learnt from the bloke who lives next door For he's a natural wanker, need I say any more? I shouldn't have to tell you that your parking is all wrong Your argument holds no water; that you won't be there for long Just park a little further back, yes just there, that's great I've already wasted too much time, oh look, I'm going to be late Finally I'm on the road leaving the DW behind I've an image of his wanker grin imprinted on my mind And as I turn the corner, I confess, I'm done, I'm beat A bus, it seems, has broken down, it's blocking off the street Do the fates conspire to test me for one reason or another Is the wanker moonlighting? Or do you think he has a brother...
The Deliberate Wanker • Opuss № I