17 April 2012
Like any other woman, mine shits and farts and snores just like any man. She has her, shall I say, ‘ladylike’ times, but these are few and far between. (I love you babes; just in case she reads this!)
The females of the species have their own extraordinary way of getting what they want. They have a knack of twisting things, turning them around and using them against you. They remember everything you say and at just the right time, regurgitate exactly what you said in such a way as to shoot yourself in the foot. Of course this is in my case, in any other coupling of a male and female, the female may have found another way of demeaning the male and ‘getting’ her way; such as creating various ‘unfortunate’ circumstances and playing the ‘damsel in distress’. Now, this is how it is in a heterosexual relationship but what about a lesbian relationship? Do they both share in the times that they win the argument? Or, does one dominate the other?
Do women like being subjugated for that fact? There must be some sadistic women who are exceptional and like it the other way around and, on a lighter note, where are they? If you are one, call me! But, then again, would I know what to do if my woman decided to reverse the roles and not demean me? Deciding that the rituals, of which my father and his father before, be forgotten!
What would you do if that happened?
I’m presuming that you, the reader of this ill-fated souls article, be male! Would you know what to do? Yes you would? Of course you do, you’re ready, ready to grab the bull (or cow, as the case maybe) by the horns and run with it. Have you REALLY been preparing for this exquisite moment all your life? Rubbish, you gave in long before you even turned five. Like me you accepted your fate! But what if it did happen? Then again, would you poo your pants wondering if it were a test? Has she devised this great plan to test if you think that she is, in fact, ‘STUPID’. Because, if you get this wrong, you are a dead man and she will have just gained a tonne of ammo to use for a life time! And, she is not stupid, never ever think this! All in all, should we, men, not just carry on as we are doing? Should we not go along with our merry lives as though we had not read this radical and far fetched, maybe even false, recount of a sad masculine life?
Forget everything written so far, because to be honest, I have just written five hundred words about rubbish. I did this because I was bored in bed with my girlfriend (p.s. I stayed in, whilst she went out and came back pished!) at 1:15am in the morning, shattered.
Hope you have enjoyed this, thank you and good bye.
Women, Huh! • Opuss № I