10 December 2012
Lost in reality.
If we knew what our future would turn out to be, would we change it? I wake up and think why did I go this route the hard way round the road that would only mean me relying on myself. People tell me it builds character. Others look in pity on the wasted potential. I quote Shakespeare "All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players". Facades are intended to disguise/hide ourselves from the truths we withhold. We judge ourselves as we do one another. They think of me as without compassion. Emotion shows weakness and vulnerability. Side affects of the failure in all my relationships, let down by those who only cared for me in a flippant manor. Yet those who wear there heart on their sleeve seem to also end up alone. They see me as a free spirited socialite - Loose, easy, out for a quick fix. I'm willing to oblige in their views. Happily their opinions agreed by the actions they foresee. Self belief. They think of me just big headed. An ego that overshadows all around. Narcissist to be precise. Luckily my admiration for Oscar Wilde's "Dorian Gray" is why my character is resilient in the stage production of life. After all the nature of man is complex. Or simply well developed.
In many ways all this is, is a character assassination: - Over confident, quick witted, even quicker with a button fly. Vanity so profound the God Narcissus could not look at anyone but me. - What a beautifully worded tag line for POF accounts and the sorts.
A psychologist would breakdown all of this and convince me the opposite. I have no need to be convinced. I have no need to be saved. I just wish for change. A new platform to showcase life. For Peter "To die would be an awfully big adventure." He would live forever and I do not have that luxury.
So for me "To live, to be real and content, would be a bloody blessing."
Worse Than Dorian Gray. I Exists. • Opuss № I