Confessions Of A Socially Disconnected Teen

Sometimes, I wonder.
I wonder about the world outside.
And
What
It's
Like.
After so many years cooped up inside,
I wonder,
Is
It
Any

D
I
F
F
E
R
E
N
T
?
Mother says the outside world is a terrifying place,
Filled with murder,
Kidnappings,
Evil.
But, after everything she's said about it, I
Still
Want
To
Go
There.
Is that too much to ask?
My sister, Evelyn, says she thinks I'm going P
U
E
H
T
L
L
A
W
But what does that even mean? I'm staying right here, on the
F L O O R.
Where it's safe.
Evelyn's allowed out.
Why am I not allowed out?
Maybe it's because I have an itchy head.
I might pass it on.
I wonder what my friends are doing?
I haven't seen them in ages - Y
E
A
R
S in fact.
I wonder if they remember me?
The last time I saw them was when I was nine.
I still feel like I'm nine.
Mother says I'm seventeen though.
But that doesn't make any sense,
D o e s i t ?
Maybe,
Just M
A
Y
B
E
Mother will let me out.
And then I'll be able to see all my friends again.
And we'll go outside and play catch,
Or skipping ropes,
Or make believe.
But Evelyn says that my friends don't play any more.
But that doesn't make any sense either.
Because,
If they don't play,
Then what
d
o
they do?
Evelyn says they're not children anymore.
She's not a child anymore either.
Which is strange.
Because, last time I checked
She
Was
Seven.
Where have all the children gone?
Maybe this is a dream.
I like dreams.
I could wake up,
Any
Second
Now.
I'll pinch myself to try and wake myself up, just like in those movies I used to watch.
Ow.
I don't think I'm dreaming.
Sometimes,
I lie my head on the floor,
Just to see what the world looks like

P E N
U D W
I O
S D
And I hear Mother
And Grandma
Talking.
About me
Downstairs.
Usually,
It's Grandma saying that there's something wrong with me,
That I'm not normal,
That I should be seeing a doctor of some kind.
She's probably talking about my itchy head.
I really should go to see a doctor about that.
Then there's Mother
Saying that she can't let me outside,
That she can't risk it.
That I'm fine on my own, staying in my room.
Then the shouting starts and it's all a jumble of words and I start to get bored and my head's going all hot and fuzzy and dizzy from being upside down for so long so I get right side up again.
Mother's coming in with my dinner now,
Asking me how I am.
I say that I'm dizzy
And I tell her that Grandma's right.
And that I really should go to a doctor about my itchy head.
She's looking at me in a funny sort of way, with her forehead all creased and her eyes looking all confused, the same way Evelyn looks when she's telling me I'm going up the wall when I'm obviously not.
I get that look a lot.
Mother's gone now.
I itch my head a bit.
I decide to do my two times table.
2 x 1 = 2
2 x 2 = 4
2 x 3 = 6
2 x 4 = 8
2 x 5 = 10
I've figured out that two times tables get
B
O
R
I
N
G very, very quickly.
I've tried counting my toes.
But I keep running out of toes to count.
They look a bit like jelly beans.
I like jelly beans.
I like wondering about things.
That's not boring.
I wonder...
What colour is the sky?
It might have changed since I last checked.
Why is Mother so angry all the time?
How does Grandma know about my itchy head?
She hardly ever sees me.
Why does Evelyn always wear such tight dresses and skirts? They look really uncomfortable.
And what's so bad about outside?