What Lies Beneath The Skin

As a friend you were loving
Strong, fun, spontaneous
Foolish, eccentric and sociable

As a mother you were cold
Weak, unhappy, unpredictable
Embarrassing, scatty and lonely

Life with you was always drama
You thought I was too young
But I understood all about you

You were so insecure
Like a young child
Inside a woman's body

The need for a man
The need for his money
Meant more than being a mum

I had so many Uncles
Was told never to tell
I understood to stay silent

If things were great
Then life with you
Was almost bearable

If something or someone
Got you down, for us
It meant downwards too

Your temper was fierce
Many a time I had felt
The wrath of your anger

As I got older
I also found a voice
Saying words you hated

You began to get high
I thought it was a phase
So did my brother

You sank lower
To such depths
No rehab could help

An addictive personality
It was told to me
Which made some sense

In the past it was men
Money, clothes, furniture
Fruit machines and shopping

An endless try
To fill that bottomless pit
So very deep within you

Heroin became your lover
Other heroin addicts
Replaced us as your kids

Dad always told me
He never knew
Where he was with you

Which was why
He chose an unhappy marriage
Over a life with you

I have experienced
Every known emotion
A person can ever possess

Nothing ever got through
To that infected mind
Body and soul of yours

You chose a life
So numb to the living
That death would be kinder

You missed my life
My children's lives
Your very own life

Now at nearly 60
You have been free
Your veins can breathe

But the self inflicted
Abuse has taken
All that you ever were

Your body a mess
Your mind slowed
Your spirit holding on

We talk more
But you feel a stranger
A face I don't recognise

The grip of heroin
May have left you
But it's very much present

I have taught myself
To not care
Caring would mean pain

I keep a distance
To protect myself
To protect my family

For you are here now
But the devastation
That has ravaged your body

Will one day
Take you from this life
To peacefully be in the other