She was once a loving woman
Feisty and strong with opinion
Always been a bit too head strong
No man stuck around for too long
When they did she pushed them away
Never believed the true words they say
She really never had any self worth
It was there inside of her from birth
She had gone through life in a daze
Her mother always said "it's just a phase"
This 'phase' never truly went away
Her life changed, but the girl within stayed
Becoming a mother didn't really change her
Emotions within her began to stir
She just could never stay in one place
There were many sides to her sweet face
Even the house would always change
She'd redecorate or the furniture rearranged
Inside of her she always had this feral need
It would grab hold of her selfish greed
This was the side of her I began to hate
I'd runaway and show up and my nans gate
Then when I discovered I was with child
The inner you let go and went uncontrollably wild
You had all the wrong kinds hanging with you
Began taking drugs to just get through
That was over twenty years ago now
You are still with us, I don't know how
Your health has really took a turn for the worse
This is years of abuse and the drugs evil curse
So much you have put us all through
The rollercoaster of emotions over you
You put us all in danger and at risk
Over your dealing and wanting a hit
I despised you when you'd go to the loo
Trying to hide from me what you were about to do
I always knew from the smell and eyes like pins
Blood spattered on my wall, to name a few things
Yet still you would incessantly lie to my face
That when I wanted to just run from this place
Over time I moved away from you and your lies
Kept a distance as I watched you destroy more lives
Its only now that I can bear to have you near
For you've been clean for just over a year
It seems like an ocean of time, stands between us
And another ocean of lies and missing trust
I know things will never ever be the same
I can't love you and for that I feel shame
But you've missed out on so very very much
No matter how we try and fill in gaps, it's not enough
You had two paths over twenty years ago
The path you chose was a long and bitter blow
You chose your path and in time you got stuck
I hope it was worth it for a bastard shoot up!!!
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@misslittleDHP
Writing has been my friend since a teenager...I laugh, cry, think, pretend, smile as I do it. I feel that I communicate better through my writing as in person I can appear a tad scatty.
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Comments & Feedback (32)
Really strong write. I bet he regrets the decision deep down. I wish him luck with staying clean. It's can be so easy to fall into an addiction. It's the easy option over facing Deamons sometimes. Can create a host of new ones at the same time😔
@Stablish @leelee101 it's actually my mum my sweets...giving up the drugs has been hard...but it's come to late health wise for her...my children don't know her...but regardless I'm glad she's clean...I think she knew that if she didn't she would die as she kept OD-ing...thanks for your comments my sweets😘😘😘
I did start lovely woman, I was so caught up by the end I think I had started giving my own meaning to it. Wish you all the best. -Hugs back-
@nikujagagirl I've had many any years to accept what's happened my sweet...so all is ok my end...thanks my lovely😘😘😘😘
@sjw @lynnlily21 thanks my sweets...it's all good now, had years to fight my demons over mum...thanks lovely ladies❤❤❤❤❤❤
Missed this yesterday.. And I've just posted similar subject matter, but this is powerful 💪💪 I have seen so many children of users, it's heartbreaking. U should be so proud of yourself
@Burrfoot in my teens I knew I never wanted to be like my mum...if it hadn't of been for my beloved nan and gramp my life may have been very very different💚💚
@misslittleDHP I had a similar relationship with my dad, for him it was drink but I always felt guilty because I couldn't make his life happier or change the many issues that made him turn to drink. I guess thats where I get my lack of patience now with people that don't 'man up' 😔 great write huggy
@Burrfoot I'm exactly the same...when my mum told me and my brother that she began to take drugs as she felt worthless as a mum because we didn't need her anymore..I felt such guilt...but then over the years she made me angry for she blamed others for why she was the way she was.l.i remember screaming at her once how she had to accept responsibility for her addiction...I hate how people blame others...of course it has an impact on your life but when you become an adult..you have choices...she ALWAYS chose wrong and then blamed others for it!...that's when I turned my back on her I'm afraid😢
@misslittleDHP mum n dad divorced when I was small, he had many inner conflicts but I always knew I was his world despite the bad choices he made and the hurt he caused. There's so much still buried in my head especially about his last year. Maybe someday I'll write about it to exorcise it. I spent a long time when he died trying to forgive myself, six years on and im not as hard on myself, but find it easier not to think about it... I'm gonna have to write a poem about bodily functions now to cheer myself up! 😒😉
Shockingly good write-so raw & honest. Good to hear your mum is clean now, but guessing nothing will ever make up for years lost. You're a strong & brave lady Kim 👏😘
@Fly10 we have more contact now than we ever have but like you say...it will never be the same...she no longer knows me...she thinks she does but she doesn't ...but I accept our relationship is different now...thanks for your lovely comments my sweet....hope you are ok my sweet?😘😘
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