Falling Feels Like Flying
Falling feels like flying Until you hit the ground And everything is beautiful Until you take a look around..
2
0
19 words
mitchattitude
Stay Positive, it will change your life. @mitchattitude for tweety tweets & Instagram goodness!
79
Stories
51
Followers
Stories by @mitchattitude (79)
Darkness
Stars cannot shine without darkness..
6
0
5 words
Stockholm Syndrome
I have just finished a book about the Stockholm Syndrome, it started off badly but by the end I loved it..
4
0
21 words
Is It Just Me?
Or does everyone look at their toilet paper after they have wiped??.
0
0
12 words
Dolphins
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?.
10
0
32 words
Playing Bridge
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand..
16
0
19 words
War
War does not determine who is right - only who is left..
8
2
12 words
Ugly Baby
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." Upset the woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down.
10
1
66 words
One Dog
Went to the zoo the other day but there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu..
2
0
19 words
Wind
Went to the doctors and said: "Have you got anything for wind?" He gave me a kite..
4
0
17 words
Mr Garrison
There are no stupid questions. Just stupid people..
6
0
8 words
Love And Fate
Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in live with you was beyond my control..
4
0
20 words
Jesus & Homosexuality
I would like to read to you what The Jesus said about homosexuality. I'd like to but he never said anything about it. Evidently Jesus was so filled with rage that he was speechless.
2
0
87 words
Prophet Muhammad
"The ink of the scholar is greater than the blood of a martyr.".
0
2
13 words
Two Most Important Days
"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why." - Mark Twain.
8
0
24 words
Kubrick
"However vast the darkness, we supply our own light." - Stanley Kubrick.
0
0
12 words
You Only Live Once
You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough..
2
0
13 words
Lion
For a lion to be a cannibal, he must first swallow his pride..
4
0
13 words
Shrink
The Girlfriend is on her way back from the shrink. I can't wait to find out what I need to work on..
2
0
22 words
Living Or Dead
If I could be any person, living or dead, I’d definitely be a living person..
0
2
15 words
Do Something
I always wondered why somebody didn't do something about things, then I realised I am somebody..
4
0
16 words
Diarrhoea
If 3 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea.... does that mean that the other 2 ENJOY it?.
2
0
18 words
Political Diapers
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason..
16
0
19 words
Photoshop
Alcohol is the liquid version of Photoshop..
8
0
7 words
Fact #1
There are more people alive today than have ever died in the history of time!.
0
2
15 words
Peanuts
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. - Charlie Brown.
4
0
15 words
Sad
The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you..
8
0
14 words
Beastie Boys
I want to say a little something that's long overdue, The disrespect to women has got to be through, To all the mothers and sisters and the wives and friends, I want to offer my love and respect to...
0
0
45 words
Be Who You Are
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind..
4
0
21 words
Being Late
You can't be late until you show up..
4
0
8 words
Dial Up
I miss the sound of my PC dialling up for the Internet. Loved that sound!.
4
0
15 words
You Are You (Seuss Pt II)
Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is nobody else who is you-er than you!.
4
0
18 words
Wishing Well
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed. I never knew they worked..
4
1
15 words
Camouflage
I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldn't find any..
4
0
11 words
Log
Slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fireplace..
12
0
11 words
Tommy Cooper
I said to the gym instructor: "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said: "How flexible are you?" I said: "I can't make Tuesdays.".
2
0
26 words
My Therapist
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that..
4
0
13 words
Scottish Diet
I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already..
6
0
10 words
My Friend
I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags. He's bisatchel..
20
0
14 words
Fruit Salad
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad..
4
0
17 words
The List
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list..
4
0
16 words
Evening News
The evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't..
16
3
19 words
Light/ Sound
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak..
2
0
17 words
Church
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car..
4
0
19 words
God
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness..
10
0
23 words
Knock At The Door
A man is in bed with his wife when there is bang on the door. He turns over and looks at his alarm clock, and it's four in the morning.
6
0
295 words
Sherlock
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
14
0
167 words
I Think My Friend Is Dead
Two friends are out hunting in the woods when one of them suddenly falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head.
6
0
101 words
Goes Without Saying
I think it goes without saying....
2
0
6 words
Titanic
I was at the Titanic museum in Belfast where the ship was built all those years ago. At the end there was a gift shop selling a T-shirt with the following slogan..
2
0
40 words
Tunnel
The light at the end of the tunnel...is a train!.
2
0
10 words
Jesus
Jesus says he loves me. I'm just a little concerned about the age gap!.
28
0
14 words
Depression
Why am I so good at giving advice on positive thinking to friends when I can't sometimes convince myself to do the same. Ug..
4
0
24 words
Childhood
I remember contemplating life for the first time when I was about 8 or so. Lying in my garden looking up at the clouds and 'suddenly' getting an idea of the enormity of the universe and my part of it.
2
2
49 words
Paranoid
I'm paranoid AND needy. I think people are talking about me, but not as much as I'd like..
2
0
18 words
Early Bird
The early bird might get the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese!.
6
0
16 words
Die Peacefully
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
6
2
20 words
Holiday
I've just been on a-once-in-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again!.
2
0
12 words
Lifebelt
Our friend Scott drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. It's what he would have wanted!!.
2
0
25 words
Walk The Plank
As a kid I was told to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog..
10
0
15 words
Indecisive
I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure!.
8
1
10 words
Ex-Girlfriend
I wish the best for my ex-girlfriend, I really do!!. I hope she meets someone who is friendly, funny, honest & kind Because you know, opposites attract!!!!!.
14
3
27 words
Homework
Sometimes I used to pretend to look for my homework when I knew I hadn't done it....
2
0
17 words
Accident
My father used to say 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' ... until the accident!!!.
4
0
16 words
Condescending
I'm not being condescending; I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand..
14
1
16 words
Ghosts
The people you love become ghosts inside of you and like this you keep them alive..
2
0
16 words
Lennon
Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans!.
4
0
11 words
Storm
Life is not all about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain..
8
0
19 words
Raffle Ticket
Today I bought a book of a thousand raffle tickets for £2.50, which is a bargain because normally they are a £1 a strip!. I didn't win!.
2
0
27 words
Dogs
Why, when dogs hate you blowing on their noses so much do they always put their heads outside of a moving car?.
6
2
22 words
George W Jr
I saw five men kicking and punching George W Bush Jr the other day. My girlfriend said to me 'Are you not going to help?' I replied 'No five should be enough'.
6
0
32 words
In Bed
Last night when I was trying to fall asleep I was staring up at the stars in the sky, when I started wondering to myself.. Where the hell is the ceiling!?.
2
0
31 words
Clover
If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?.
2
2
13 words
Dwarf
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low. ;).
6
2
21 words
Porn Film
I watched the director's cut of a porn film the other day, at the end the guy actually fixes the washing machine!.
10
1
22 words
Dr Seuss
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
6
0
9 words
Dreams
According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star you're actually a million years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams..
4
2
23 words
Hell
We're all in the same game; just different levels. Dealing with the same hell; just different devils..
6
0
17 words
Chocolate Bar
Earlier on I bought a chocolate bar and when I opened the wrapper it told me I was a loser. They weren't even running a competition. The worst thing of all is that it was a 'Boost'!.
4
0
37 words