It's Hard!

When you are young how do you picture your life being?
Me, I pictured finding mr right and being treated right and having the time of my life, getting married and having kids and having a happy home.
What I didn't picture is the amount of times I would get knocked down to the floor only to get up and it happen again and again, I found mr right back in 2005 and my image of having a laugh became clear and I never been happier untill things went wrong but in tradition I fought for what was mine and every time we got back on track which was what we aimed for.
But in 2010 all my straws had been taken and there was only one left and this had to to be the worst one of all, my whole world crashed into so many pieces I didn't know where to start putting this one back together, it as been two years and I am still trying it is along road and people do not understand that this was not like all the others it was too big just to put under the carpet and forget about.
Yes I admit that sometimes it raises it's ugly head but sometimes it is the only way to explain something, it still hurts to think that something like that could happen to me, I Suppose it's because I'm not the type of person to do it, the barrier will stay up now even tho I try to take it down because my head and my heart tell me to stay safe.
I just wish people would understand that it's hard for me too but oh no just forget it and move on!!!!

Don't get me wrong I still love him and that will never change and I'm working on the rest, just hope one day he will understand and I also hope one day that I will be able to take the barrier down I would live nothing more than to be the person I used to be,

Don't know why I wrote this really because I'm no good lol xxxx ❤