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China Girl Part1

The pale expression on her face told me something was wrong. She was a tall, thin girl, looking quite mature for a girl of nine, and was wrapped in a dusty, thick blanket. Clutching my mums hand, she stared over to look at me and breathed heavily. As my mum leaned over the cashier to pay for the goods we had purchased, I turned back dramatically and noticed that the girl had disappeared however a trail of grey dust was left in a heap on the spotless floor. Quickly, my mother and I walked out the shop and drove home. On the journey home, I fell asleep however when I woke up I saw that girl standing in front of my house, a cunning and sly smile wiped on her face. I didn't tell my mum. As I approached my bedtime, I brushed my teeth and got into bed. My mother kissed me goodnight and closed the door behind her. I hunched up in my thick duvet, pulling it closer to my pointed chin. All of a sudden, I heard a strange whirring sound. There she was again! That strange girl. Staring at me, she threw a scrunched up piece of paper at me before departing dramatically. Carefully, I opened the piece of paper, and in messy, left-sloping handwriting, the message read: My name is Isabella. I am dead. I will torture you...FOREVER!

mpallister24

@mpallister24

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Comments & Feedback (9)

This is really good, can you continue it please!!!!! :)

Great idea, maybe use paragraphing a little to help cut from scene to scene and use a different adjective than dramatically or perhaps describe what's dramatic about it, but really good start to a good idea 👏

@Bluegerbil thank you will do! 😘😘

@Burrfoot thank you! Yeh really should of put it in paragraphs and I do use the word dramatically a lot lol

When I read 'dramatically' I think 'jazz hands' 😉 but honestly, very strong imagination and pace.. Keep editing and rereading 👍

@Burrfoot thanks for the advice I probs use dramatically lots cos I'm part of a theatrical group

Creepy! 😱😱😱😱

Good advise from @Burrfoot that I second!

@naaviie lol

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