9 September 2012
I got accepted into a new school. I started tuesday. I've been there a week. I barely knew anyone. I'm so happy about that. no one knows me. it's a fresh batch of people. they don't know me. they don't know my past. they know what I let them know. I'm in control of what people think of me. I'm the new girl. I've been hit on a few times already. I love this new school. this new place. this new life. I didn't hang out with anyone this weekend because I left all my old friends. I mean I miss Eden, my best friend, but she was distancing herself from me. so I distanced myself from her before she could leave me like we both knew she would. I have new friends, but the friendships are really faint. it's too soon to have sleepovers. I only want to talk about three people in this. one girl, she had short red hair and likes slip knot. she's a lesbian and is so sweet to me. when she looks in my eyes and flirts with me I get butterflies. she keeps me on my toes. she doesn't care about my existence until I have her eyes locked in mine. then I know shes thinking of me laying naked in her arms. I think of her giving me a back massage when I'm doing my homework. I think of us holding hands constantly. I think of us sitting at lunch together and it's only us. her. me. us. one. one being. she's so cool. she dresses like an emo kid and I'm into it. I think she's into me too. okay, the second person. she's a grade older. she wears tons of make up, bleach blonde hair and is a slut. I hate to say it but she is. whatever. I was talking in study hall telling my friends about me. I said I was bi and she perked up, "you like girls? me too!" I said "sweet." and she kept my gaze and nodded. it was strange. it felt like flirting and we had something then she turned away. quickly. she's so sexy oh my god. I want to hook up with her. I want her wrapped around my finger. I have four classes in a row with her if you include lunch. I want her to sit by me in all of them and kiss my neck. I want her to want me. I want her to work for my attention. I want to dangle myself in front of her and eventually give it to her. I want to hook up with her so badly I could die. holy shit she's so so so sexy. okay, and there's this guy. Joel. he's sweet. he is tall. he dresses well. he has cute music taste. he has a toothy smile that's huge. he has long shaggy black hair. he catches me looking at him a lot and sometimes looks at me. in English class he told me he liked a poem I wrote. then I have math class with him. he talks to me, sure but he's hitting on this girl who's not very pretty. she's my friend and feels bad that i'm jealous. I say I'm not, but I am. so much so that I almost cried. I barely know him. why am I so into him? he's a nerdy guy that likes Pokemon. he's probably a 7 if I rated him out of 10. and I have a little clique of friends I hang out with. the school has no cliques. everyone is friends. it's so weird. it seems like a dream. I have friends I guess. I just want a relationship. I like three people. in three different ways. I want all of them at once. or at least one. I don't know. it's so comforting to know that they know nothing about me so I can be anyone I want and can get them to want me. I love this. I'm reborn almost. that sounds flaky but it's true. what do you think I should do?
give me advice • Opuss № I