not now

usually
I'll tell him
or her
that I like her
I'll go out on a ledge
in order to maybe get what I want
I usually get it
and when I don't I
usually
don't care
usually
but with him
I want it to be traditional
I don't want to text him first
I don't want to ask him to come have lunch with me everyday
I want him to come and eat lunch with me
I want us to be something
and not just me
I don't want to make all the moves
I guess I'll make the first few
but it's scary
because when you really like them
you walk in blind
without a clue
of what to do
too scared to try
too bold and fail
there's no middle ground
there's no way to prevail
I could make a friend tell him I like him
but that's the lame way out
and I could and will be publicly rejected
he told me I wasn't icky when I said I was
so there's that
that's nothing
but it made my day
wow this is stupid
my poetry is turning gay
I wish I only liked girls
I've mastered them
but guys are a whole new game
a whole new pain
and that's the best part
no gain