postcard

I look nothing like her
the girl on the Christmas card
smiling next to my sister
smiling next to my brother
that isn't me
it is
but not the real me
I don't know her
I don't know what I think
I think she's a fake
a joke
a mistake
the golden child
the one that's supposed to be alright in the end
the one that has friends
and a boyfriend
and doesn't like girls
and is nice to parents
she isn't me
she isn't me
she's smiling
but she's trapped
in laminated paper
thousands of copies of her
stacked on a desk
ready to send
to send to people
to people my mom wants
my mom wants to impress
with a girl
who is nothing less
than the best
she isn't me
she's smiling
but she's trapped

next thing I know she's in my fire place
burning
her ashes floating away
she's free
I'm free
she isn't me
but I still
I still feel free
now I don't have to act
or pretend to be

I can be this way
and it will stay
frozen in time

like next years photograph of me
of me and my family

perfect
prim
dandy