20 December 2012
8:57 am
my dad and his girlfriend outside baking
wind chimes heard
my family is baking
perfect little life
I'm trapped in my bed
shaking
I thought it was a dream
but I woke up and saw it
saw sharp bloody metal
tormented and distorted
ran to the sink
splashed ice cold water on my face
help me
save me
get me out of this place
but I'm running from something
something in my mind
I can't leave it so easily behind
behind me
no one is there to catch me if I fall
behind me
behind me
nothing but my concaving walls
the room is shrinking
shrinking in on me
I'm sinking slowly
in self pity
I keep looking at my arm
hoping its a dream
I'm a normal kid
just had a bad dream
but it wasn't a dream
proof is on my arm
I remember
darkness
shivers
holding my arm down
so I could scratch the sharp pain across it
tempting harm
my reality
my dreams
all become one
what's real
what's wrong
help me
I'm gone
I'm not your little girl anymore
I want to roll up my sleeves and scream
I want your attention
but not really
I know what it'll mean
I'll get help
I don't need help
I'm perfectly sane
just have a little bit of an issue
something eating at my brain
don't worry about me
I'm not going to die
I'll just cut a little
maybe cry
that's so pathetic
you're such a fucking loser Mckinley
no I'm not
you don't understand
yes I do
I'm the one that did it
did it with your left hand
go away
this is my life
but I invited you here
seemed tempting and nice
but it's not nice it's a never ending hell
get the fuck out
this is my life
not hell
stop please
I fell
I'm trying to get up
stop bolting me down
taped shut
you're quiet now
it's eerily quiet
my dad and his girlfriend talk about life
false hope she may get to be his wife
fuck that he doesn't love you
he does
but loves someone more
you're nothing to him
his current bore
I haven't always been like this
this bitter and tragic
I wish I could run away
leave all of this
but I love my surroundings
and everyone around me
it's you I can't shake
you're the voice in my head
the only one there for us when we go insane
the only one helping ease the pain
the only one who really cares and can keep a secret
no
fuck you
you're not what I want
I invited you here
no I'm kicking you out
leave
stop
surely this isn't what life's about
let them stay
we need them
they're our only friend
shut up
shut up
leave me alone
go away
please
please
leave
go away
stop please
I don't want this
I never did
I thought I did
but I was wrong
they'll accept your wrongs
no
I don't want them accepted
I want them gone
I've learned my mistakes
now please
please
let me move on
us • Opuss № I