17 September 2012
I try to think long and hard, but there is this annoying branch ticking to the window. Everytime I think I almost have the answer, it's gone almost as quickly as it came. As my mind goes to all places humanly possibly I try to start simple. But my mind always seems to get back to the same unanswered quetion: "Why can't I remember? Why can't I remember these important things?" The man stares into my eyes and I know he is no longer patient. And at this clear moment, (and there aren't that many) I realise that I will forget what the man asked me in a few minutes. I need to remember! It hurts me to know that this disease is taking over ever part of my life. It's worst when I realise it, when I know what it's doing to me. It starts with simple things, things that sometimes normal people even forget like dates, days or appointments. Then later it becomes: names, places or memories. And then comes the worst thing: people. You forget thier faces, the way they smell or the way thier face rinkles when they smile. Those are the things you wish noone to forget. And it gets to a point where you feel as do there is no point in living anymore.. But the docter told me at some point I won't even remember who I am and then it's all just be a big nothing. On the wooden table I spot a cup of tea, I wonder where I got it. I take a few sips and try to hold the sweet taste of english tea as long as I possibly can. On the other side of the table sits a man. He scares me. I don't know him I now realise. So I say: "Oh hello, how are you?" He looks at me as if he is seeing a elefant climbing a wall. How rude I think to myself. But then I look away and the man stands up from his seat and goes to talk to my husband. They are looking at me and I pretend not to see it. I wonder what they're saying. And then I know: They are probably talking about what I'm getting for my birthday. That's coming up. At least I think...
My grandma has it and I can imagine how hard it must be.. Sorry if I made any spelling mistakes, I am still Dutch you know..
Alzheimer's • Opuss № I