Four Years

Four years. Four years of sleepless nights, silent screams and everlasting nightmares. Dreams of us. Still climbing trees and feeling small as we watch the stars from the roof of your house. Dreams where the world is still innocent. So fucking heart wrenchingly innocent.

We were kings. Of everything. Of everyone. Together we would see the world. What happened? We were gonna see what was beyond the stars together. Grow old together. We were supposed to live until the sky fell down and the seas ran dry. What happened? You left me. You left me to face the world by myself. Alone. How could you? Tell me! How?

I can't breathe anymore. I don't feel anymore. Because I see your everywhere. In everything. In the trees that blow so effortlessly in the calming wind. In the white snowflakes that fall so slowly. I see you as I lay here, gasping for air, watching the stars. But they'll never shine the same again. It will never be the same again. I hate you for that.

Four years I've had this hole in my stomach and nothing to fill it with. So sometimes I try to claw it away. Just claw the emptiness out of there. Save myself. But it doesn't hurt anymore. It's just. Empty. And I hate you. For what you left. For all the promises. For what could have been.

Things still move. Seasons pass and people forget. But I stand frozen in time. They all forgot you know. No one remembers your face. Or your voice. They barely remember the color of your hair. Your chocolate colored hair that would look almost blonde in the summer when we were kids. I remember you as if it was yesterday. And I hate you. I hate you! I hate you... Almost as much as I love you.

I don't know where to go. Or what to do. I'm lost. I'm so fucking lost without you. Come back. Please. I can barely walk without you by my side. I break down crying. I want to run but always end up at the place where we promised our lives to each other. I lose myself in the tears that come as my screams clog up deep down in my throat.

Four years. Four years ago the sky fell down and the seas ran dry.