19 April 2012
I wake up completely soaked in sweat. Not because I had a bad dream or anything. It's just who I am. Monday, again. I get out of bed and start doing all the things I do every morning and probably will continue doing for the rest of my uneventful little life.
As usually Thomas has already left for work and mom is to busy putting her make up on. She doesn't even notice me. It doesn't matter. I don't care anymore.
I walk to school, slowly, examining every corner so I have time to hide if "they" would show up. I feel tired. Maybe because I stay up late at night so I can fall asleep directly when I go to bed, so I don't have to think about things.
When I get to school all the classes have already started, nice. That means no questions and no people to make it worse. I walk along the gray rigid corridor until I get to my locker. On it someone has written with a permanent marker "your dad is dead and it's your fault, you are nobody". I don't feel like entering the classroom, I don't want to see their faces. So I start walking home in the rain.
When I get home I realize my key is in my locker and mom isn't answering the phone. So I just lay down in front of the door. I'm cold but it doesn't matter. Sometimes when I go to sleep I think it would be easier if I didn't wake up. This is one of those times.
Save Me Part I • Opuss № I