29 July 2012
I stopped dead in my tracks.
Everyone was still staring at me.
"Don't you people have something else to do?!?!?!" I yelled furiously.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! WE'RE SORRY! SO SORRY!!!!!!! PLEASE DON'T HURT US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" they shrieked as they ran away from me in fear.
"Uncle Deric that wasn't a very nice thing to do. You scared all those people," Anica said.
"So what?" I said.
"So that was the wrong thing to do."
In all my rage at my neighbors I had forgotten that I was seriously pissed at Anica.
I can't lose my cool though. Then she would tell her parents!
Jacinta would hate me! I couldn't live knowing the most beautiful woman in the whole frickin universe hated me!
"Why don't you just go read a book or something?" I said trying to control my anger.
"Okey dokey!" she said cheerfully.
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
What have I gotten myself into?
Back at the house Anica was lying on the sofa reading "Alice in Wonderland."
She was so engrossed in the book the whole place could be on fire and I bet she wouldn't notice.
Just looking at her makes me want to scream.
Come on Deric, think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts.
Think about Ramona.
I remember the first time I taught her English.
I had told her to meet me in the library after school had ended.
It took me hours and hours of searching through every book-store in town but I was finally able to find an English to Russian dictionary.
Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, OH CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought.
What have I gotten myself into?!?!
Okay, just take a deep breath and try to stay calm.
How hard can it be to teach someone English?
It's the language I grew up hearing.
This should be easy, right? RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!
I found Ramona over in the children's section looking at a huge book that said "Grim's fairy tales," on the cover.
She was staring with fascination at a picture of Gretel shoving the witch I to a gigantic oven.
It showed the witch practically frying like bacon!
I think I speak for everyone when I say this book should definitely not have been in the children's section!
She glanced up at me and smiled.
"So uh, are you ready to start our first lesson?" I said awkwardly, but she didn't seem to notice.
"Da," she said happily.
Okay, how am I gonna do this?
I looked frantically through the English to Russian dictionary.
Let's see, what are some of the most useful words for a Russian immigrant to be able to say?
Where could I get some vodka?
No! I've got to get serious here!
Hey, I think I've got it!
I'll start by teaching her how to describe things! You know people, food, places, stuff like that.
" Now one of the most important words to describe things is boring. For example: American teachers are really boring. They go on and on about stupid crap that no one cares about, and they don't even mention anything that's actually interesting because their purpose is to bore you out of your mind," I said to Ramona.
Where could I find the word for boring?
Oh, here it is!
"Skuchnyî," I said out loud.
"Boring."
"Borreeng?" she said looking a bit confused.
"B-or-ing. Boring.
"Borring?"
"Yeah, you got it!" I said with enthusiasm.
"Eto skuchno, this is boring."
"Thees es borring?"
"Eh, close enough," I said.
For the rest of the lesson I taught her how to say "You are boring, he is boring, she is boring, they are boring," things of that nature.
I couldn't believe that I had been able to teach someone English!
Even if it was only a few sentences.
"Thank you so much Derek!" she said at the end of the lesson.
"Oh, you're welcome," I replied nervously.
Then she smiled, and I smiled back.
And for that short moment, I felt really happy, but I didn't know why.
Looking back on it I realize that I probably should have started by teaching her how to say "Where is the-," or "How can I get to-," but oh well.
Besides, I was only 14. I would have never guessed that teaching Ramona English would amount to so much more than that.
How a little girl ruined my life Ch.4 • Opuss № I