23 September 2012
"Einsamkeit"
I avoke to zhe infernal sound of mein alarm clock.
How I vish vun day I could just sleep!
Aaaaaaaaaahh, blissful sleep.
Hey! Don't write this with mein accent!
I hate these Americans!
Always making fun of us and calling us "creepy wurst loving Krauts!"
Ugh.
But I guess I'll just have to deal with it for now.
My name is Adoff, Adoff Burkhard Emmerich.
I know, the first thing that comes to mind as soon as you hear my name is Hitler.
Even though I spell my name differently that doesn't stop people from making fun of me.
Mein Gott, I'm so sick of being called a Nazi.
I'm 27 years old.
I work for the government of Germany.
My job is to collect information on anyone or anything that poses as a threat to our country and it's citizens.
I've been recruited to America to investigate the infamous assassin known as Edgar Conan Parker. His nickname is "the king of the wolves."
He's almost impossible to catch.
This is the most important moment of my life. I can't afford to make any mistakes.
I must find him. I will find him.
I remember all those awful years as a child, being teased and ignored, always sitting in the corner all alone.
I'll never forget the wretched loneliness, it still haunts me even now.
My only friend was my dog Baldric.
He was the best dog in the whole world. He was hard working, loyal, caring, and kind.
I could tell him anything and he would always listen. He was such a good dog.
Everyday I miss him!
But I must not let my losses get the better of me!
I cannot show weakness of vulnerability in the face of the enemy!
I will do everything in my power to protect my country, no matter what the cost may be!
But now I have far more important matters to attend to.
Watering my garden.
I've always adored nature and being outside.
My garden is my own secret paradise. There I can be myself without people judging me.
I grow most of my own fruits and vegetables so I don't end up going to the grocery store very often unlike most people.
Besides, I might run into my idiot neighbor Deric.
How I hate him!
He's so rude, arrogant, obnoxious, has no regard for anyone but himself, and he made fun of my name! Also I saw him running around his front yard and screaming like some crazy imbecile.
Ugh.
Sometimes he annoys me so much I just want to squash him like the tiny, pathetic little bug he is.
But I must control my anger. I cannot afford to let my emotions drive me to do something rash.
I was deep in thought about my hatred of Deric when I heard the doorbell ring.
Who could it possibly be at this time in the morning? I thought to myself.
There standing in the doorway I saw a little girl.
She was about four feet tall with blue eyes and honey colored hair that had a big, pink bow in it.
"Excuse me sir, I'm so sorry to bother you but the wind seems to have blown my drawings onto your yard. Would it be alright if I could go retrieve them?" the girl asked.
"Very well then," I said with annoyance.
"Thank you so much!"
"Wow, ein Amerikaner mit manieran. Das ist die erste," I muttered under my breath.
"Not all Americans are rude you know," she said.
I was filled to the brim with shock.
"Sie sprechen Deautsch?" I said nervously.
"Jah," she said with a smile.
We walked outside to my garden.
The rest of the conversation is in German but given the fact that none of you lazy Americans will get off your fat lazy arsch and learn it has driven me to just write the rest in English.
"I love your garden! It's very beautiful! You grow your own fruits and vegetables? That's so cool!"
"Thank you."
"Oh here they are," she said as she picked up pieces of paper that had been strewn all over the ground.
I was utterly and completely shocked when I glanced at her drawings.
There was just no way someone of such a young age could have drawn something so.............so incredibly detailed.
In one of her pictures she had been sketching my house. She got every little detail exactly, even the crooked shingles on the roof.
"You drew these?" I said with surprise.
"Yeah, they're not very good I know. I've been working on trying to make my pictures look more realistic. No such luck so far," she said sadly.
What on earth was she talking about?!?!?!
Forget trying to draw more detailed! She should get this put in a museum! I'm serious! I think we have the next child prodigy on our hands!
"You really shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You're much more talented than you realize," I said.
"Really? Thank you so much! You don't know how much that means to me!" she said happily.
"I'm so sorry for inconveniencing you like this!"
"No, it's quite alright."
"Good bye!" she said as she walked away.
"Good bye!"
There is no way that she could possibly be a child. Not even an adult could draw something that detailed! Let alone a little girl! And she spoke flawless German! I have to find out more about her.
Still, she was the first person who'd been kind to me in a long time.
You know, maybe these Americans aren't so bad after all.
How a little girl ruined my life ch. 6 • Opuss № I