13 June 2012
Hi, my name's Deric. Deric Caleb Bellamy. I'm 25 years old.
I've got dark, brown hair, tan skin, hazel eyes, and I'm super muscular.
I know, surprising a guy like me lives alone, right?I guess I should tell you a bit more about me. Let's see, I like working out, sleeping, and partying, my favorite food is anything that tastes good, and for a living I'm a Russian translator.
Anyway, here's how it all started.
It was sometime around 3 o' clock pm.I heard the phone ring. "Uuuuuuuuuuuggggggghhhhhh. Who the $@%# could it be at this time. Don't they know it's a fricken Saturday?" I grumbled as I rubbed sleep out of my eyes.
It was my brother Eric.
My parents think rhyming names are cool. No wonder I haven't seen them in 6 years.
Now back to the story.
" Hello! My wife and I are going on our honeymoon for a month. Could you watch Anica until we get back?" Eric asked.
At the time I was WAY too tired to realize what he had just said, so I told him what I usually tell people when I have no idea what they just said. "Uh, yeah sure ,whatever."
"That's great!" We'll drop her off at 4! Bye!" he said excitedly.
"WHAT THE $&@% DID I JUST AGREE TO?!?!?!?!?"
I shrieked.
No, no, no, no, no, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not Anica! Anything but Anica! The last time that little brat came over she be- sparkled all my clothes ! And believe me, replacing all that clothing isn't cheap when you dress like me.
Wait a minute, they said they'd be over at 4, it's 3:48! I've got to get ready!
I brushed my teeth, washed my face, combed my hair, etc.
"What to wear, what to wear?!?" I had to look presentable. Something formal, but not too formal.
I checked the clock, it was 3:50.
" Come on, come on!" There's got to be something in there that would look appropriate!" I started tearing through the clothes in my closet. I finally found the perfect outfit! A black button- down shirt, jeans, and my leather shoes.
In case you were wondering Anica's my six year old niece. Here are some more facts about me: My parents have always preferred Eric over me, obviously because he skipped 2 grades, got straight A's all his life, and never got into trouble( and let's just say I wasn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer or the most polite.) Also I have an amazing best friend, well I did anyway. Her name was Ramona. I haven't seen her since I graduated college. She didn't give me her phone number or anything. She just disappeared. Creepy,right?
I heard the doorbell ring. I opened the door; there before me I saw Eric, Jacinta( Eric's INSANELY HOT wife), and ( I've saved the worst for last) Anica.
Eric had shoulder length hair that he tucked behind his ears, really short finger nails ( he gnaws on them like a beaver gnaws on wood, well when no one's looking anyway.), long, slender fingers, and he wears huge Harry Potter-like glasses. I know what you're thinking, this guy Eric's a total nerd, you're right.
Jacinta had a tall willowy figure, long, silky blonde hair that shined like gold in the sun, aquamarine eyes that were as deep and true as the sea, tan, radiant skin, and big, ruby lips. Can you believe a goddess like Jacinta ended up with a geek like Eric?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I mean she could be Aphrodite!( She is Greek after all.)
And now here's a description of the horrible, the terrifying, the incredibly annoying, Anica. Dun, dun, da! ( In case if you were wondering that was dramatic music.) She had curly, blonde hair, big blue eyes that looked just like an anime characters, and she always wears pink. Bleh.
"Thank you so much Deric! You're so sweet!" Jacinta said. Then she kissed me on the cheek. My face blushed as red as a tomato. Oh great, now I look like an idiot in front of Jacinta, I thought angrily.
"Here are her things," Eric said as he handed me a bunch of suitcases. " Call us if you have any problems! Good bye!"
"Bye mommy! Bye daddy! I love you!" Anica said in that annoying sweet little girl voice she has.
And just as quickly as they came, they left.
" Hi Deric!"
"Hello Anica," I said sourly. "This is going to be so much fun!" she said smiling. " Oh sure," I said in a voice absolutely drenched in sarcasm, but she didn't seem to notice.
I helped her carry her bags upstairs.
" So Anica, what do you like to do for fun?" I asked nervously. " Hmm, let's see. I like to paint, read, draw, sing, dance and skip merrily through fields of flowers," she said.
There was no #%@&ing way I was going to skip merrily through fields of flowers, dance, and\or sing. Wait! drawing pictures isn't totally humiliating or going to destroy my house or anything.
" Why don't you just draw something while I get your room set up," I said.
"Okey dokey!" she said cheerfully.
Now to child proof my house.
Let's see, there's the table in the bedroom with the pointy ends, my collection of sharks teeth, and the weights in my work out room. I'd simply ban my bed room and work out room, what to do about my collection of sharks teeth?
I decided to hide them in the back of my closet.
I realized Anica had gone downstairs. I went downstairs to check on her.
To my horror I saw that she had been drawing pictures on the walls of my living room of flowers, ponies, unicorns, fairies, princesses and princes. Right now she was writing in hot pink letters" I love Uncle Deric." Underneath it was a big heart. Ugh.
" Anica!!!! What did you do to my room!?!?!" I roared.
" I made it all pretty," she said sweetly. " No you did not make it pretty you ruined it!"
" Are you saying it's not pretty?" she said. Her eyes began to fill with tears.
" No it's just........... Look, can you help me wash this off the walls?" I said.
" Sure!" Anica said.
"Cleaning is so fun! Cleaning is so fun! Now it's time to take a break and rinse our sponges, yay!"
Uuuuuugggghhhhhh. This is going to be a long five weeks.
How A Little Girl ruined My life chapter 1 • Opuss № I