8 November 2012
Elephants and Hippos and Rhinos are big; Though none have the appetite of Mortimer Wigg. For such a young and short little child The amount Morty eats is impossibly wild. I once saw him eat the whole of a goat; Eyes and bones and brain and coat. He didn’t stop munching until he was finished. Yet his giant-like appetite was far from diminished. He then began nibbling on a thoroughbred horse When the farm owner caught him and removed him with force She yelled “Mortimer Wigg you greedy young brat…” “…Come back again and I’ll knock you down flat!” And yet no matter the trouble his eating will cause He can never get enough food through his jaws.
But of course this consumption has some effect, But he’s not a fatty like you would expect. He’s hindered in the most unusual way. Which affects his life day after day. When he can’t stand up, And he can’t sit down, When he can’t run and skip and jump around. When people laugh at him in class All because of his ginormous arse. Yes - his waist is as slim as the average lads It’s only his bottom to which all the fat clads.
Because of the food that Mortimer eats His bum can’t fit on the largest of seats. He can’t fit through an averaged sized door. His pants are too big for an average sized drawer. He can’t ride a bike or fit in a car, So he never gets to travel far. If he gets in a lift it strains to get going. He can’t cross bridges without them now bowing. He can’t sit on the toilet so he uses the bath. He walks on the roads; he can’t fit on the path. He can’t fit down the aisles of most shops, And he can knock people out with the farts that he drops!
Poor young Mortimer, And what a shame That his greedy, small brain is all he can blame.
Mortimer Wigg • Opuss № I