16. Just Another Fanfic

Suddenly I needed to get away from there. Away from the place that reminded me so strongly of when we were all whole. I felt sick.
Six empty weeks. Six weeks with nothing and no one stretched excruciatingly ahead of me.
I wrote a letter to Severus. Somehow he was the only one I wanted to talk to. Was it because he was a damaged person along with me and my sister? Was it because, through his damage, he could see what others couldn't? Or was it because he was Sev? My best friend.
He told me he'd come. He'd booked a room for a few weeks time.
Someone to help fill the desperately baron holiday I really didn't want to endure.
I started to reread my school textbooks. It was boring but I had nothing better to do and I may as well.
Once they were done I bought the ones I was likely to need for next year. And read them.
If only I could have been doing something useful.
Fighting Voldemort.
I'd decided to use his name, it made me feel stronger, the fact that I wasn't afraid of his name made me feel like I stood a chance against him.
I started to get letters. Some off my friends, some off the Ministry.
The news about my parents had spread like fiend fire and everyone was eager to express their sympathy. None of it helped but it comforted me to know they cared.
The Ministry told me that the MacEllins were happy to let me stay with them. That was Alice's family, I thought. I didn't really know her but she seemed nice enough. They arranged for me to go and stay with them two weeks before the start of term.
When Sev arrived we barely left our rooms. It was almost like before. We'd talk for hours on end. About love and life, death and despair.
'Are you really- are you really one of them Sev? A- a deatheater?' I asked one day. It was the longest silence we'd had all week, even though we often just sat in companionable silences together.
'Yes Lily. I am.'
I looked into his eyes. There was genuine regret, remorse there.
'Then we're on different sides, you and I.'
He just stared at me.
'Yes. We are.' he said after a while.
I pulled him into a hug and we sat there like that for what must have been hours.
'We can't do this Lily. We can't keep pretending it's just us and nothing else matters. There's a war and our sides want to kill each other.' he laughed at how impossibly melodramatic the truth sounded.
'I'll miss you Sev.'
'I'll miss you too Lily.'
'Don't die Sev. Just don't die and maybe, once this is over we can be friends again.' I pleaded. I knew how impossible that sounded but it was what I needed.
'Okay Lily.' he sounded so old. Like a parent talking to their kid. Of course this just made me cry. But it was what I needed. To know that there would be someone looking out for me.
Neither of us tried to persuade the other to join the other's side.
For Severus it was too late for that and for me it just couldn't happen.
Oh Sev.
I arrived on the doorstep of the MacEllins with a Ministry official. Apparently all my possessions had already been sent there.
Alice appeared at the door and looked so delighted it didn't seem real. She hugged me tightly.
'Lily. It's great to see you. I know it's horrible what happened and I'll never really understand it but I'm glad you could stay with us.'
I was glad she wasn't demanding to discuss my feelings with her because I don't think I could take it I think that was why she didn't ask and I thought it was odd we weren't better friends before.
The Ministry official told me goodbye and Alice ushered me in. She introduced me to her parents who were both as tiny as her then showed me my room which was just opposite hers.
She told me to get myself settled in and she'd call me when dinner was ready.
I rummaged around in my bag and found our family photo album. I didn't want to look at the photos of us all looking happy together but it helped to have them there beside me.
Our letters with our book lists arrived the next morning. I already had most of the books but I needed new robes so I was going to go to Diagon Alley with Alice.
The the biggest surprise I recieved that day was a shiny, important looking badge.
Head Girl.
I had a letter of congratulations from McGonagle as well.
Alice saw it and squealed.
'Oh my gosh. Head Girl? That's amazing. Frank was Head Boy last year.'
'Oh, are you two still in touch?'
I didn't expect to still have any interest in anyone else's life anymore and it felt almost like I was starting to wake up.
'Yes. He came over earlier in the holiday. He's training to be an auror.'
'Wow. That's pretty impressive. When I met his mother she wouldn't shut up about it.' she laughed.
I liked Alice. I was glad I went to live with her.
She persuaded me to buy new dress robes incase of any parties and I joked about what we'd be making in potions with the ingredients we needed to buy making her squirm.
I saw people look at me in the street, recognise me and pity me but I pretended not to notice. I didn't want to wreck my good mood.
We saw some of Alice's friends and stopped to chat briefly but none of my friends made any appearances which was odd. I knew Melissa and Trish were on holiday but Jody wasn't and as far as I knew, neither were The Marauders (it seems they were but friends now, they must have snuck up on me). Strange.
I spent the rest of the holiday either third wheeling with Alice and Frank or socialising with the local muggles.
One night we all went clubbing but I woke up with no recollection of what happened and a pounding headache. To be honest I wasn't all that curious to know.
Alice and I arrived at the station and were converged on on all sides by concerned friends.
'Guys, I don't want to talk about it right now. I'll tell you if I need to alright?' I said, knowing I'd end up fighting back tears.
Alice looked slightly uncomfortable with all these people she'd never really talked to before.
'Yeah, I'm staying with Alice and her family because the Ministry didn't recommend I live alone. I dunno for how long though.'
When I said that, people started to notice her. She struck up a conversation with The Marauders who I think she knew better than my roommates.
I showed them my Head Girl badge and they all looked dangerously giggly and gleeful.
Jody dragged me over to The Marauders and said:
'Head Girl, meet Head boy. Head Boy, meet Head Girl.'
'Oh is-' then I saw who she was looking at, not Remus but, yep, James.