Life Pt 2!

So the hardest bit!

Saturday night 11pm I go into labour, I stop my blood clot injections straight away! No more till I've had the baby now, I can haemorrhage if I continue with them! My bags all packed for hospital I'm ready! Shit this isn't about to happen, my body's telling me different! Ouch! No not ouch, actually there are no words to describe the pain. The pain rises and falls all night and all day Sunday, still nothing. Hurry up god dammit.
Monday morning comes and that's it, I had my second night with no sleep so I go to hospital, I'm only 4cm dilated! Great! No where near! They put me in a side room and give me diamorphine! Wow that shits good! Seriously I was delirious.. In a good way though.. If there is a good way! I slept like a baby till 11, apart from my hallucinations which were unreal, surreal, and at times disturbing. Black cats faces dented limbs long and gangly and a hallowed look in their eyes, scared the shit out of me, next hallucination was the opposite, paintings, oil paintings to be precise, texture on the canvas as the layers of paint rise to get the hue just right. Looked like Van Gogh to me, but I can't be sure, but it was me painting, a serenity, calmness washed over me and I must've fell asleep!
11pm and that was it, I wanted more of the magic pain reliever, only to be told nope no way not a chance! So I had to settle for tamazepam. I couldn't swallow the tablet, my throat was so sore, so they put it crushed into a jam sandwich, I liked my midwife, she was lovely, so I ate my jam/drug sandwich with salt and vinegar walkers shoved in it too! Yup sounds disgusting but my god it was delicious! The thought of it now repulses me, must've been the hormones!
I wake at 7 in the morning on Tuesday! Oh my god I didn't think the pain could get any worse but it did, a hell of a lot worse! I buzzed the midwife and she examined me, and pop! My waters broke, shot her in the face down her arm and flooded the bed! Lovely stuff! I had to laugh at the nurses predicament though, and at least I had something to chuckle about take my mind off the pain! "Do you want the good news?" Duh of course! "Your 7cm now you've been busy! Lets walk you round to the delivery room!" 3cm to go and all I can think of is I hope my baby's ok and I hope I don't poo! Why I thought of that in this moment I don't know why!
I'd been hooked to an epidural and my god what a relief, no pain, even tho I couldn't move my legs or pee, I couldn't feel pain so to me it was a fair trade off!
Half 12 came and the nurse told me that I was 10cm and that in an hour we were going to push that baby out!! I think she meant me but she was so enthusiastic that she'd forgotten I was the only one that could push the baby out!
I drifted to sleep and 5minutes later I get woken, "you're baby's heart rate is decelerating every contraction, lets have a look at what happens on the next one". All of a sudden all hell broke loose, the monitor that I was so familiar of hearing my baby's thrum thrum thrums all of a sudden bleeps and the thrums begin to slow, and slow and stay really really slow, the nurse pulls the cord in the room and the red light above the door goes on! Next thing I know my legs are in stirrups and this man in scrubs walks through the door, like god, holds his arms out like some Adonis and the nurses pull a scrub gown over him and place a mask over his face! "What the fuck is going on? And turn the fucking machine off I can hear my baby dying" I cried at them. "Your baby is struggling and getting tired we need to get it out as soon as possible, I'm going to perform a ventouse, do you know what this is?" The Adonis asked! I realise he's the head consultant, so I'm in safe hands. "Yes no I don't know, just help my baby" I yell! I'm frantic right now! 3minutes of trying and it doesn't work, the baby doesn't come out. The Adonis explains he's going to cut me (thank god for the epidural I think) and then use forceps to pull my baby out! 2minutes later and she arrives, 10 fingers 10 toes and she cried straight away! She was tiny! How on earth do I hold that? She was on the other side of the room for what felt like eternity then they handed her to me! I had 5 minutes before she had to go to special care, she was alive but she still had the duodenal atresia and was very sick! I looked at her and cried a lot! The love I felt for that child was like nothing I've ever felt in my life. She was beautiful all 5lbs12oz of her! Amazing my tiny princess.
And with that she was gone.