18 April 2012
The sunshine feels heavy on us and the last thing we'd want to do is riding our bikes. But we're going to school every day by bike, and today wasn't an exception. And if once we went there, we had to come back as well.
The weather was lovely this morning, but it got hotter and hotter throughout the day and we're now on our way home in the middle of the afternoon.
He's cycling first - as always.
He likes being the first, no matter what he's doing.
And I'm happy this way seeing him riding his bike and I can just shout out "Stop now!" or "a car is coming" whenever I find it necessary.
I was hundred percent sure that he'd understand why to slow down or stop immediately when I'm shouting these instructions.
But that afternoon I understood that children are just the same on the road next to driving cars as at home playing inside safely.
They like ignoring instructions. They're acting so as they wouldn't have heard anything. Selective-hearing I'd say, they hear what they want to hear, but as soon as they're not interested in something they become deaf.
We were cycling after a van and we needed to turn right just before a roundabout. A silver car was turning into our road, but he didn't pay enough attention to see it from behind the van. It's all-right, the sun was shining so bright, he's nine, and he dreams sometimes while doing things. That's why he's not allowed to bike alone yet, I look after him at school days, because his mom has to work too.
I was right behind him and warned him to stop. As he carried on cycling I begun screaming his name and "Stop!" louder and louder, we would have had plenty of time to stop and wait until the road is clear again.
No one ever drives down here usually, the road ends after some houses, you can only walk by or cycle on a path, that's why we like this way.
My heart was pounding quicker and I felt in seconds so much hotter, it wasn't any more time to scream or try him to hold back.
He was just cycling out in front of the silver car from behind the van.
There wasn't any chance the driver could have seen him. I was hoping the best and preparing myself for the worst.
I don't wish anyone those painful sticking in the heart and the ache in the stomach. I never felt any worse in my life before, I didn't even know I'm capable of feeling fear in my whole body.
I saw him reach the other side of the road without any incidents. Some college boys were standing there, I didn't even notice them before and I'm sure they winked the driver to stop.
As nothing would have happened, the silver car disappeared and we carried on on our way home.
I felt miserable the rest of the day, thinking what could have happened, was it my fault that he didn't stop?
I've had a chat with the boy, but I'm not sure he did understand me.
Talked to his parents too, I wanted to make sure I'm doing everything for him to be safe.
Before I could've fallen asleep I was so grateful that those college boys were there to warn the driver, I didn't even say thank you, now I feel bad about it.
I hope they know they did the right thing, saved a boy's life or at least from injuries and I also hope they'd do the same again.
I felt asleep while thinking about the next day, the time we have to cycle and about the boy, if he's gonna be all right, did he understand at least the half of what I said and will he be more careful on the road, and why I'm still here if I feel fear every time while cycling with him, am I afraid of that the next nanny wouldn't care about him as much as I do? And should be these fears on my shoulders instead of the parents?
Not my Son • Opuss № I