26 April 2012
As I look over Opuss, I see a million and 1 posts full of heartbreaking poetry and endless questioning of love. Can I just say I used to be like that, I wasn't so public about it, but I was just as miserable. I was one of those people who held their head so far down, they'd walk in to things.
But my life changed thanks to CeriVictoria. Now I'm one of the people who walk in to things because I'm too busy daydreaming about our future. It's been 4 months, and so what? I'm not ashamed or embarrassed to say I love her, and I want to marry her. And I will tell anyone who listens.
For those of you who believe love doesn't exist, and if it does it only causes pain I'll tell you a little bit about love; Love exists, it's everywhere, it hides, it's in plain site. I'll be completely honest and say I fell in love with Ceri the first second I saw her. It was one of those "who is that!? Don't stare. I'm staring. Then look away!" kind of moments. I tried to compensate my overload of nerves and terror with humour and lack of eye contact, and that was it. She was gone for 3 months of my life. I always wondered what happened to her.
One day I found my best friend talking with her in our college canteen. Prepared this time I stroll up with better humour, and I try and act smoother (which really doesn't work with me). I come away from the conversation after making her laugh, and learning about her with butterflies, my mind racing with thoughts like "does she? Could she? Would she? Why would she?"
To my unbelievable surprise I find she adds me on Facebook, and asks for my number! Can I just say, I was really skeptical of this at first. I had been single for three years at this point and had 21 first dates and only first dates, so I did not believe she was romantically interested. After realising I had text the wrong number, the next day I finally text her, and we talk, and talk. Then my tiny, paranoid, self-conscious brain said "she's not interested, she would've have asked you out by now." so I leave it.
Over the two weeks of Christmas I didn't text her, I wasn't going to chase another lost cause to the point where Id be so angry that they didn't feel the same that I'd never want to see her again. So I stopped.
It was awful, I thought about her everyday and every night, I remember her saying she liked my Bar, and I'd always look for her in there. Praying to see her in the sea of drunk, stupid students.
On the first day back of college I text her, 9 texts later we arrange a date for the next day. This date lasted from 3pm to 3am and we didn't even kiss, we just talked and talked and talked.
Love is when you think about a person and you see a future with them, it's when you see them and you're lost for words, it's when you hold them and you feel like you're holding the most valuable thing in the world. It's when you have the guts to scream in the street.
I wrote a song for the band about her a few weeks back.
"I seem to see this face where ever I go, And when I see it, the warm fires glow, It's hard to say what I see in you, Because there's no language that's perfect for you,
If we live forever then I know for a fact, That my heart has found happiness and I can handle that, But when the sun goes down and if the lights are gone, I'm going to need your arms to make my home."
If you think that's cheesy or gay, then you're soulless and miserable and that's you're problem not mine. The truth is, I'm in love with Ceri Victoria Major.
Stay cool.
Mrs Mars To You. • Opuss № I