An Apology To My Younger Self

Five years ago, she fought so hard to change the way things were.
She turned her own life upside down; such determination was hers.
She worked and dreamed and planned and schemed and of herself was proud.
She did all of those things simply to get where I am now.

But along the way her heart was given freely to another,
The man who proved to be much more than just a simple lover.
And here she is - and here I am - just where she wanted to be.
But grieving of my separation from the man who adores me.
I hope, younger self, that you don't think your current self ungrateful.
To disregard all we have learned could be described as hateful.
But mea culpa, little one; I fear this taints your dream.
My grief and desolation and the constant urge to scream.
I promise regardless that I will live up to myself.
Although my heart is torn in two between here and somewhere else.
I promise despite the burn of tears that lingers every day,
That I will continue working to take us on the way
Towards everything we worked for and all that we hold dear.
And as for our beloved man,
I'm fighting to get him here.