25 July 2012
Cliffy, the final chapter.
Opening his eyes, cliffy slowly blinked himself awake. Looking around him, he took in the Walls of the small welsh cave that he had been sharing with Dolly the sheep for the last 8 years. The last time he had even looked into the eyes of a human being, was at the top of the boiler whilst being fly kicked off. Memories of that fateful day still angered cliff, who since then had grown his moustache beyond belief.
He escaped by using a secret tunnel underneath unit 41 that had been dug by the Italians to import in their pasta and other dried foods in bulk, without the hassle from customs. Since then, he had grown more and more feral, capturing dogs, skinning them and eating them whole, learning eventually to knit himself a coat from their hides.
Stroking his moustache like the evil genius he was, he started to plot the downfall of Billy breen, and the Pembroke power station itself.
He paced his cave, stroking dolly ever so gently as she brushed against his ankles, and then finally gently whispered into her ear 'I have a plan'. 'baaa' dolly replied. Cliff smiled to himself, looking happier than a Cheshire cat on laughing gas, and started screeching with laughter 'I have a plan to destroy all other plans, the scheme to wreck every other, and then, I shall return and marry you my darling fiancée'.
'baaaa' replied dolly with a seductive glint in her eye.
Kissing her goodbye, cliffy ran from the cave into the dusk, screaming as he went, his roar slowly fading into the distance.
Billy breen shot bolt upright in bed. His face dripped with a cold sweat. something was very wrong. He sat up and turned on the television. Looters? In London? What on earth was going on here he thought as he looked upon scenes resembling the middle east apart from with massive tellys under their arms, and with an alarming amount of skin on show.
The last time riots like this had happened was in the summer of 2011. Days after cliffy disappeared after falling 120 feet from the Top of the boiler, pretty much the whole of the uk flooded the streets in anger that the local law enforcement agencies could not contain this monster. Now, it seemed he was back.
A butterfly entered breenys stomach as he saw what he dreaded, a moustached man stood on top of a building. The top of canary wharf in London. The thing that chilled breeny to his very core the most though, that cliffs moustache was over 5 feet long. At that length, cliffy would be lifting cars straight over his head and juggling them together for fun.
The camera zoomed into cliffys face 'come and get me you Geordie bastard' he growled
Breeny silently nodded to himself, and pressed the secret button underneath his desk. Walking to the other side of the room, he took a running jump at the window and dived through, landing directly in the seat of the billycopter.
'Billycopter away' shouted breeny as the copter arose and flew itself towards England, while the fog on the Tyne is all mine played on the radio.
Landing on a helicopter pad in a secret platform on the Thames, invisible to the naked eye, breeny jumped out of the billycopter. Walking down the platform he entered an airsealed tunnel and descended underneath the river. Now he was in business
In this secret cave, Breeny had many weapons to help him in his fight for justice against this evil monster. Ray guns lay in holders on the Walls, confiscated from the zorgolian invasion from outer space in 2014. Decades worth of nuclear weapons that had been lost ended up in this tunnel too. But breeny knew what he needed. Just one thing.
A black and decker hedge and lawn edge trimmer with an attachable guard and a safety switch on the handle. With this, he could possibly chop cliffs moustache off from far away and end the bloodshed before it could even begin. Breeny then reached into the back of one of the shelves in the secret hidden tunnel and grabbed a rucksack. Pulling the cord on it, large tubes descended from the bottom and turned it into a jetpack. The roof opened above him and breeny pressed a button on his watch shooting him into the morning sky.
Landing on the top of the canary wharf, breeny looked around. There was nobody here again. How can such a big man with a frickin huge moustache hide so easily on top of these tall buildings pondered breeny. His thought process was interrupted by a large explosion behind him. Spinning round, breeny recoiled in horror. Cliffy was soaked in the blood of people. Whilst waiting for breeny, he had gone on a murderous rampage through the streets. His thirst for blood was greater than ever. Breeny stepped forwards, holding up his hedge trimmer to enter battle. Suddenly, a sharp pain in the back of breenys head. Consciousness fading away as he fell to the ground, the last thing breeny saw was the legs and boots of two different people. Both wrapped in red overalls......
Groggily opening his eyes, trying to adjust them to the dim light, breeny groaned and lifted his hand to his aching skull. Crimson red blood covered his hand, and for the first time of his life, breeny was a little worried. 3 lights approached from the distance, as breeny drifted in and out of consciousness. Then as they got closer, a splash of water hit his face waking him completely. Looking up, the only words that could come out of breenys mouth were that of horror.
Cliffy, was flanked by two people that breeny had not seen in many years. On his left, stood Percy grant. And on his right hand side, the grinch like bad Santa (both site supervisors). Confused by what was going on, Billy let out a little confused moan. 'let me explain' said percy in his best patronising voice, as bad Santa put his boot into breenys groin.
Years ago, we hated you Billy. Your accent annoyed us. We tried to get rid of you, we encouraged alstom to take action but to no prevail. We even tried to fiddle with your clock in card. But no, you got away with it. Now me, my good friend bad Santa and cliffy are going to destroy you once and for all.
Through the blood taste in his mouth, breeny just about managed to spit the words 'fuck you' and kicked Percy in the shin. 'fighting back are you' said Percy. We'll soon see about that.
Percy hauled breeny to his feet an marched him to a table. Throwing him on, he locked breenys arms and legs down, and pressed a large red button on the side of the trap. A laser beam flickered into life, and started slowly working it's way up towards breeny. There was no escape now. This was it. A tear started to form at the edge of breenys eye, as suddenly the laser beam flickered and cut out abruptly.
A confused breeny lifted his head as he heard the distinct sound of percys voice shouting billy bren....
As it was quickly silenced again. Breeny nearly faded out of consciousness again, but as this happened, he felt his arms and legs go loose. Forcing his eyes open, he looked up and saw yet another face he hadn't seen for years. It was that of Billy Brennan. Breeny groaned 'watch out' as bad Santa approached Billy Brennan from behind with a pipe in his hand. Billy spun around and punched bad Santa square in the nose, breaking it with the tremendous power in his fist. Throwing bad Santa against the corner of the room, Billy threw a sheet over him and growled the words 'your on the naughty list now bitch' as he helped breeny out of the room. As breeny came back to consciousness, he asked what was going on. Billy brennan started to explain. The moustache didn't only make cliffy strong, it made everyone who used to work on the power station have powers of some kind. It all started on the day the laggers were brought onto site. As they worked away, releasing bits of lagging into the air, all the people below started breathing it in. The lagging broke up inside the lungs, and changed the genetic code of each person. But, it turns out people with moustaches as luscious as mine and cliffys were granted super strength. Everyone else had small alterations, like hair turning purple, or even just being great at lying such as mr Dolby, but nothing as great as ours. Breeny nodded silently again, as him and Billy Brennan both kicked a door down. The room behind was full of smoke, and a familiar figure.
Cliffy.
Running towards the doorway taking wild swings, cliffy roared in anger at seeing breeny still alive, but laughed in joy when he realised how injured he was. Grabbing him around the neck he started strangling him, but Billy Brennan took a run up and swung a fist into his ribs. Cliffy roared in pain, dropping Breeny, and running after Billy Brennan instead. Breeny grabbed a rope from the floor, and threw a lasso over cliffys head, jumping up onto his back and riding him like a bull. Trying to throw him off in anger, cliffy accidentally ran into a solid brick wall, dizzying himself as a desperate billy Brennan ripped away at his moustache. He managed to rip one side off completely before getting knocked across the other side of the room by cliffys right foot. Cliffy approached him and placed his left hand around his neck, with the intention of throwing him across the room, but to his and billy brennans shock, he could not manage it.
The two Geordies had discovered cliffys weakness actually affected both sides of his body, as the two of them started pummelling his left hand side into submission. When he was weak enough, they ripped the other side of his moustache off as well.
The now weak cliffy started to cry as they both battered him, eventually stopping and cable tying his wrists together for the police. Suddenly breeny had an idea, he ran back to the room with the laser from earlier and ripped the laser attachment off. He then aimed it at cliffys now bare top lip, and fired. The laser burned the hair follicles away, and breeny smiled to himself. Now he could no longer grow a moustache, he could no longer terrorise the planet.
Stepping outside the building to a Holl
Cliffy 3 • Opuss № I