God

My past is pretty interesting because it was so interlinked with God. I went to church every Sunday, was a member of many youth groups, I had gone on multiple retreats...I was really into Christianity a few years ago.
Sometimes I wonder if maybe the reason that I've felt like I've lost myself so much is due to the absence of faith in my life, but then again, as one grows up they start to see the world for what it really is; maybe I'm just becoming more aware of the realities of the world.
Either way, it's kinda freaky to think about my Christian past and compare it to what I believe now. I don't not believe that there is a god, but I don't believe that there is a god either. Honestly, I don't even spend time thinking about God anymore because I'm just so conflicted with it.
Part of being a Christian means that you're never alone, that God is always there for you. But in reality, some of my loneliest times growing up was when I was at church, retreats, and youth groups.
But on the other hand, I'm only considering the lack of human companions that I made at those Christian organizations. Maybe I should be considering my religious companionship instead. In that case, I wasn't lonely. God sticks to his word, but I still don't know if I believe everything that his word says.