Online Dating Blog 20

So this is the last one! I swear!

It's the last online dating blog about Marek and the last online dating blog forever since my experience with online dating is something I don't care to continue.

Marek. My lovely Marek. Guys, he fell head over heels for me. insert round of 'aws' here

I've never had someone fall head over heels for me before. It's kind of an interesting experience.

It's amazing because Marek would say the sweetest things and say that he wanted to do all these things with me, and it made me feel really good. On the other hand, he never actually planned on pulling through with the big things that he was saying.

He didn't realize that he didn't want to actually do those things (because of the distance) at the time so it's not like he was lying to me. He was simply head over heels with all his feelings for me and therefore, according to him "not thinking logically."

But that's okay. I feel like I won something...I suppose his heart...because I was able to make a 19 year old stud-muffin fall in love with me. And I loved him back.

It would explain why he kept calling me his love. He actually meant it.

I inferred that the reason that he was still on OkCupid for the entire duration that we were talking was because he genuinely wanted to find someone near him to be with. I'm kinda at fault for that flaw that caused our downfall in our relationship because I lied about my location in the beginning, which was a major reason why he messaged me in the first place. Although he kept saying "if there's a will, there's a way!" regarding our potential LDR, he lost his will to make it work when we stopped talking. He began to think "logically" and he realized what he really wanted: he wanted a girl that he could see frequently.

I feel much better now that I had made all the points that I wanted to make when I was messaging him on OkCupid. I asked him what he wanted, why things changed...and when he mentioned how long distance was only going to leave him wanting more, I pointed out I was willing to give him more. I mean, I also wanted more with him. I had already told him that. But he was adamant about the fact that an LDR wasn't what he wanted.

It's good that he told me that before I got the "Marek" tattoo that I was planning.

I will never know if he laughed at that joke. He stopped messaging me after that. But because he said that I usually make him laugh, I'll imagine his adorable laugh in my head. It sounds like he has trouble breathing when he laughs. He doesn't cackle, he just takes quick gasps of air. That's the best way to describe it.

So the reason we were ending things on OkCupid instead of texting was because at one in the morning, after I had broken things off, he sent me a message through the site (he came across my new account I guess while he was on the prowl) that said "lmao, ops"

Maybe he was drunk. Or...I don't know. He gets off of work at 12am...maybe he hit up a bar right after? But anyway, I thought he was an asshole for sending me that message because when I called him to end things, he was all: you should forget about me.

And that message was not helping me to forget about him. It left me wondering what the hell he wanted.

So I messaged him back saying that I didn't want him to message me unless he genuinely wanted to talk to me.

He didn't message me again.

And so 5am on Friday, I sent him a message that was an inside joke that included Harry Potter and shrines. He surprised me by replying after I had gotten home from school. He asked me why I was doing this, because us talking was just a distraction for me. (I hated that he made me an excuse for awhile until I really started to talk to him). So the conversation lasted until about 6:30 pm on Saturday. No formal goodbyes exchanged this time. Just a ":P" from me.

I wanted to talk to him a bit after we ended things officially this time. I just wanted to joke around with him one last time. But I suppose he was trying to avoid getting both of our feelings wrapped up in each other again.
Or maybe he was just done.

But I wanted to tell him how funny things work out...

My lovely Marek found me on OkCupid on Christmas Eve, literally right after I had reactivated my account. He had always said that it was lucky we found each other because if I had reactivated my account a bit later, maybe he never would've seen my profile. Maybe we never would have met.

I wouldn't say that we hit it off instantly. When he told me that he was going to get my name tattooed all over his body, all I thought was: stalker! But regardless, I fell for him. I rashly gave him my number on Christmas although I was still unsure of his sanity. But by simply giving him my real number, it caused us to fall for each other. We had a lot of things in common. A lot of similar interests.

Selfies, phone calls, good morning texts, video chatting...we talked all the time. I called him two times when I was sad. He always made me feel better. He opened up to me as well.

And then after all the suspense we finally met on the February 10th. It was wonderful to finally be cuddled by him. But my feelings intensified, which led to me freaking out and calling it off over the phone the next day. That was the last time I heard his sexy, deep, relaxing voice with the slight accent of the city he's from. He brushed me off with his addictive voice. I never thought I would hear him brush me off so soon.

The phone call where I ended things quickly led to me regretting confessing my worries. Which led to me sending him my last morning text to him. They were sad, four long texts, and he rejected me for the second time. The first being when I asked him if he wanted to date me after about two weeks of talking to each other. Well the rejection after the four texts led us to stop communicating through our cell numbers.

The end of the romantic comedy turned Lifetime movie of Marek and Victoria started the way it began, by him messaging me on OkCupid. This time, however, he might have been drunk, and he wasn't so eager to reply to me. He wasn't his typical optimistic self, he was logical. He was convincing me that going separate ways would be better. He was saying that he wanted nothing to do with me.

I don't know if I'm done being sad about us being over. But I feel less confused as to why it was over...so I feel a bit better.

It wasn't because I broke his heart or because he became freaked out by how much I liked him. It was because of what I always considered to be a complication but he never had until recently: long distance.

I'm glad that I never kissed him. I would've been dreaming about kissing him again at night. And I'm already dreaming about kissing him at night but at least I can't feel it because I never experienced kissing his lovely lips.

He has a great body, my god. Don't take steroids, my love.

So this is goodbye, my lovely Marek. Because we never said goodbye for the last and final time. Although I'm kinda glad that we never formally bid farewell because goodbyes make me sad.

I wish you well, my dear. I hope you meet someone special and you get married in a kilt in Ireland. I want to see photos of you desperately holding it down when the wind blows, like Marilyn Monroe. That would make me laugh. You used to always make me laugh. ^.^