29 July 2012
Peasants!
Fools!
How can I possibly be expected to totally eradicate all forms of government and State, when I am given brain dead cretins like THESE.
DON'T THEY YET REALISE?
When I advertise for my (cough), "servants", do these people not read between the lines? I ask for dedicated workers and the bloody agency sends me these simps!
Enough!
That's IT - no more will I tolerate having to conquer humanity aided by these fucking chimps.
(Picks up phone and dials "E - Z Fill Staffing Solutions").
(Phone rings.......................)
Assistant: "Hello this is EZ Fill. Can I help you?"
Doctor Death: "Yes, I need competent Staff, the last lot were little more than uniformed Tree Sloths".
Assistant: "Hello, Can I help You"
Doctor Death: "Yes, hello, can you hear me?"
Assistant: click.
Doctor Death: "Don't hang up..............hello hello DAMMIT".
Redials.................................
Assistant: "Hello EZ Fill. How can I help you?"
Doctor Death (Getting irritated): "Hello, can you hear me?"
Assistant: "Hello, anybody there, Hello, Hello."
Doctor Death (Temper building nicely), "Yes, Hello, I need more Staff".
Assistant: "Please wait and re-dial as your line is very poor". Click.
Doctor Death (Now beginning to fume). "Don't you hang up on me you fucking PRUNE. Don't you know who I AM?"
Slams down phone and kicks his cat.
"GET OUT you smelly thing, you're neither use nor ornament - OUT"
The cat leaps away and cowers under a table.
Doctor Death then lights a huge cigarette and draws deeply;
Grabs phone handset and redials.
"Hello this is EZ Fill can I help you?"
Doctor Death (Now extremely agitated and beginning to froth): Yes, I need Staff, how soon can you arrange replacement for the last useless bunch of dimwits?"
Assistant: "You need What?"
Doctor Death (Screaming) I said I need Minions"
Assistant: "You need Mignons? I'm sorry Sir but we don't deal in cuts of meat".
Doctor Death (Now on the brink): Mignons? I said MINIONS - subservient and unthinking morons who will assist me in the destruction of Earth!
Assistant (Trying desperately to be helpful): I'm sorry Sir, but you're breaking up, please redial. Click.........................................
Doctor Death (Falling back into his chair and sighing heavily), I give up. I shall have to operate my Death Beam alone.
Storms out of his office and down an ever darkening set of stone steps.
The Doctor mutters darkly as he descends into his labyrinthine lair, the light growing weaker as he treads the stairs.
Down......down.........
Then he feels something soft and giving underfoot, the carpet, and paces quickly forward..............
Except it wasn't the carpet.
It was
"That Fucking Cat" he screams, and falling forward into the depths of the stairwell,,,,
"That Fucking Caaaaaaat"
A Day In The Life Of A Super Villain • Opuss № I