It takes years, you start with hating living, not even considering ending your life, then you start wishing you'd die, yet not doing anything about it. Finally you entertain the thought. If I do it, how will I do it? No, no I got too much to lose, this is just a rough patch. The rough patches become closer in time, it's not bad luck. Everything is going fine, it's you, you can have everything you want and you'd still be one miserable fucker, you realize it's never gonna end. You've done 23 years of it, do you want to do another 40? No, absolutely not! Pills won't do, you will regret it before it takes effect. You're too much of a coward to cut your jugular, at least for now. So you go on living because you are a coward that can't put an end to it.. Time is in fact not running out. You are.
Written on apr.29,2012
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