•Soul Eater•

YAY! Finally! I really like this part. It's been relaxing to write, as I don't have as much homework now! :D enjoy ;)

•Chapter 10 - I Deserved It•
•Ammi•
I still can't register it all at once. It's too much, still. Kai tried to kill me, but he did it... Because he loves me. He hit me and hurt me over and over because he had no other way of being close to me.
It's so... Not right.
Which is exactly why it's so Kai.
I snuggled Nolan deeper into my lap, the scruffy terrier making a little yip of approval, eyes sliding closed as he stretched out and warmed me. Trying to watch TV was too difficult - I didn't have the concentration. Trying to read a book was hell - I didn't have the patience. So I just sat. In silence. Playing with the scraggly fur on Nolan's paws. He smelt like dog. It was comforting though. I liked having him there. He couldn't judge me, or even give his opinion. He's a dog. He eats, sleeps, and plays. That's it. Simple as.
"I'm back" came Kai's voice from the front door as he entered our home.
I flinched. Every time I hear his voice, my body still tells me to run. Nolan however, leapt out of my lap at the sound, speeding over to Kai and jumping up to his knees in excitement.
"Hey boy" Kai gave the dog a quick rub, before picking up the Tesco bag and taking it to the kitchen counter, Nolan padding along beside him like a shadow.
"Hi" I managed to speak, my mouth having been glued together before. I found it hard to have a conversation with him. Every time I look into his eyes, I see the moment he killed me replaying over and over. I can't keep watching it. It only makes me feel less alive.
Kai unzipped his black hoodie top and threw it over the back of the sofa, before falling down beside me, and kicking off his high tops.
"I called the school, said we wouldn't be in today" he told me. He fidgeted and shuffled, clearly not knowing how he should sit. It was obvious he wanted to put an arm around me or pull me close, but I was happy that he knew it was too soon.
He'd said he loved me; I didn't say I loved him. I don't. I won't.
"What reason did you give?" I asked nicely, having to clear my throat. I hadn't spoken much over the past two days, so it was all pretty croaky.
"I said we had period pains".
Okay. Little bit funny. I giggled softly, the first smile I had smiled in days briefly crossing my face.
"We?".
"Yeah. I've been getting real emotional. Tough week" he grinned, giving me a wink.
For me, the joke was over. He'd had the wrong choice of words there.
"Yeah... I know how you feel" I muttered, pulling my sleeves down over my hands as I stared solemnly at the floor. Kai's face fell to match mine, the room falling deathly silent. A few moments passed, before Kai spoke once again.
"Are you ok?" He asked, placing a caring hand on my knee. I stared at it, as if the heat from my glare would make it move. His hands are on me. I'm sorry, I can't. I flinched away, unable to control the jerk of my actions.
"Ammi, I-" Kai began, trying to amend his wrong actions.
"Can you just.. Not touch me? Please?" I sort of spat at him. It came out harsh and impatient. My tone reminded me of one of Kai's.
I couldn't believe I just said that to him. I didn't look at him, as I was sure his face would have that same signature expression of pure hatred upon it. It's not even worth risking a peek.....
I couldn't help but glance.
He looked heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken. His facial expression was one usually worn by small boys when their favourite toy race car breaks. He looked so hurt by the rejection I had just smashed into his heart, I swear to god he might have a tear of pain in his eye.
"Kai, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that" I turned to him, feeling so horrible that I actually reached out to him. I can't believe he's more upset than angry.
"N-no, don't worry about it. I get it" he nodded vigorously, a small smile on his face that didn't convince me at all. His voice was a little choked up, and a typical Kai was acting as if he didn't care.
"It doesn't matter" he finished.
"I still shouldn't have said it like that. It was hurtful" I said, my hands returning to my lap. I stared guiltily down at them.
"I deserved it" Kai swallowed, nodding some more.
I should have done something to make him feel better.
Hug him.
Hold his hand.
Brush arms as if accidentally.
But I couldn't. I couldn't even do that. I was too scared to even come into contact with a finger. Being within a foot of him was petrifying enough. Kai would only ever touch me when he was dragging me, pulling me, hitting me, kicking me, or yanking on my hair. That was it. Any other time was coincidental, and would most likely never happen again, unless it caused me any type of pain he enjoyed watching.
He may have deserved it. He did, actually. I wanted to make him feel bad, not take his heart and smash it into pieces with some bratty, cruel words spewed from my mouth.
"You want dinner?" He asked, standing up, as he had finally composed himself.
"Um, sure" I agreed quietly.
"How's your leg?".
"Fine".
Killing me.
"Liar".
That word, leaving Kai's mouth, would normally be accompanied by a devilish, psychotic grin, ready to abuse me as heavy and as hard as he could. This time was different. He had a cute, almost sexy smile on his face, his blue eyes a shimmering pool of liquid sapphire.
"I'll make you something to eat now" he said softly. It was clear he wanted to do something affectionate. This seemed to be the moment he should lean down and peck my lips or cheek, maybe give my waist a gentle, loving squeeze.
He put on a brave smile, went into the kitchen, and left the affectionate part out.
This time, a small, minute, almost non-existent part of me wished he hadn't.

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Love, Drew
xxx