Reflections Of A Sparrow

Who am I? That's difficult
I cannot be defined
I'm letter never sent,
Written, sealed and signed
You can try to guess on sight
Judge by looks alone
What the possible content is
But the truth remains unknown

You see I am a quiet person
Emotional, not that you'd know
I tend to bottle up my feelings
In writing I let go
If people tried to take the time
They'd discover much more
Than the normal girl before them
I'm different in my core

I'm often angry at myself
Frustrated by my weakness
Furious but I don't reveal it
Held back by my meekness
I'm never usually the one
Who will pick a fight
But if I'm in that situation
I'll stand for what is right

If I see something happen
That I just can't abide
You can count on me to shout up
I'll defend your side
I think I have a bad habit
Of sometimes causing trouble
Accidentally burning bridges
Buried in the rubble

I'm not afraid to express my views
On what I truly believe
And I admit I have contempt
For those who lie and deceive
Honesty is the way forward
Even if it hits you hard
But ignorance is not bliss
Not knowing leaves you scarred

I like to understand and learn
For me knowledge is key
It drives the way I live my life
It's what sets us free
Often I can spend my time
Reading whatever I find
I like to think it helps me learn
Books expand my mind

My major issue is self-esteem
I'm afraid it's nonexistent
I wish I could believe in myself
But my belief is inconsistent
Generally it's very shaky
It's what keeps me down
But I have a fighters heart
To lift me off the ground

Outside I may seem calm and quiet
But it's not a true reflection
Inside I'm waging many wars
But they escape detection
I guess it's typical of someone like me
To be terminally insecure
I'm a violent pacifist
A strange mix to be sure

They say I'm strong but I don't know
Maybe in my heart
I'm also headstrong, independent
Stubborn from the start
I show empathy with most people
I understand their points of view
I advise them on their issues
And help them think it through

I struggle to help myself sometimes
My problems are never shared
Except maybe when I'm writing
Then my soul is bared
Nature is a source of wonder
To me it's inspiration
It has shaped my life so far
And earned my dedication

Stressing out appears to be
The story of my life
I'm always trapped in some chaos
I'd make a poor wife
I'm too unsettled, adventurous
And sometimes I care too much
I wouldn't be easy to live with
Or melt at the slightest touch

Depression sometimes catches me
Spiralling out of control
It just means I must work harder
If I'm to achieve my goals
I enjoy giving something back
With a bit of true kindness
I want to keep my eyes open
Whilst the world suffers with blindness

So it's a bit of an epic poem
Too long for many to read
And I've barely scratched the surface
To show what colour I bleed
This is me, the good and the bad
I've tried to display it all
Just for you I'm writing this
I'm bringing down my wall.

I.Sparrow