Dear Me, Circa January 2012

Dear Me, Circa January 2012,

So, you think things are tough now, do ya? Just wait.

Yes, you'll make it through teacher training, even though at times you will feel like giving up. You'll pass all the masters-level assignments and you'll come through the school placements a better, stronger person. But I'm not going to lie, it'll be hard and you will be left wondering if it was all worth it.

And your love life isn't going to get any simpler. You know how they say that things have to get worse before they can get better? It's true. Definitely true. Whilst ending a nine year relationship for a chance of being with someone else might seem scary and stupid, it's the right thing for you to do. Because you know it's not right. You're trapped and looking for a way out. And you've finally met someone who has led you into the light, who has made you realise how much of a show your life has become. Going through the motions is not going to make for a happy life. So change, take the risk, do what makes you happy for once. Because even being alone is better than this.

And still, things will go downhill. The man you've (let's face it) fallen in love with is going to leave the country for eight months. But don't worry. There will be ups and downs, highs and (very) lows, but you are going to make it. Six-thousand miles won't break you. Nearly, but not quite. You both have worries, doubts and at one point you'll think it's all over (make sure you have plenty of wine available on Christmas Day), but somehow you stick it out. Not long to go now.

And yes, 2013 will start with you missing a lot of pieces of the puzzle; no job, financial difficulties, ex-issues, loneliness, pining for him. But somehow you'll just keep going. Like a Duracell bunny. Because you know you're still lucky. And when you look back at the victories of 2012 you'll be proud. You graduated as a postgraduate, you made some amazing friends (who you are grateful for every day), you rediscovered your love of writing, you had some serious fun, you laughed more than you ever have, and you met a man who has changed your life forever. And you know now that whatever happens between you and him, you will always be friends. You've proved that much.

So chin up girl, you can do it. You can do anything, if you try.

Now go have sex.

Kim
xxx