No Title... Part 10

"You'd better get up and talk to your Mother, before she goes to work."
I sat up groggily in my warm and crumpled bed.
"Why?" I asked in a sullen tone. My Dad stood in the doorway looking pissed off.
"You're off school, Cordelia. With stress, apparently, we both take time off to be with you, take you to the doctors. And you repay us with shady answers and attitude." His brown eyes narrowed somewhat.
"Now get up and talk to your Mother!"
I barely had time to reply before he threw my dressing gown at me and marched off. I was reluctant to follow his orders but felt I needed to at least try to make Mum
feel less paranoid.

She was in the kitchen, dressed for work, I had no idea it was quite that early. Thanks Dad!
She looked tired and a little disheveled as if she has rushed or put on yesterday's clothing. I wanted to speak, I really did. But words didn't form in my mind let alone my mouth. Anger was welling up in me and threatening to swell into a storm of bitterness and frustration.
I started to make breakfast. She hadn't even looked up but sat flicking through her diary. A tear welled in my eye.
"I don't know what you want from us." The tone in her voice was hard to judge.
"I don't want anything, I didn't ask for any of this." I threw my arms out in an acusational style."
"What do you mean by this? Your home? Us? Because we love you. This is not what we deserve either. Is it school? Do you..." Her voice broke. If she mentioned Ben as a source of concern I would scream!
"Because we all miss him Cords. We all wonder what if."
A sigh rose out of me, I knew this would annoy my mum and she would feel it contrived and deliberate. I found it cathartic. Her eyes flashed to acknowledge her annoyance.
"Honestly Mum, this has nothing to do with you or Dad or Ben. I just have an area of my life I need to gain control over."
Easier said than done but at least I seemed to know more now.
"Good, we will support you all we can. Here's the time of your first therapy session. Dad will be to take you. Things will get better, you'll see." she squeezed my arm as if a hug wasn't the best selection.
I wanted to leave, the awkwardness was too much to bear. I just wanted up sleep. To return to the house and read some more and to search for the other person. I just wanted to be back to my own reality, not that all of it was under my control.