The Letter To My Father

Dear dad

I know it's been about two years in the making but here's the letter you asked me to write about my feelings and what's on my mind.

A lot has happened in both our lives in the last two years that's changed a lot of things. But the one thing that hasn't changed is our relationship, in the sense that we don't talk very much. You once told me that I could talk you about anything and you didn't really care what it was, as long as I was talking to you. You've also asked me over the years a lot of questions, but the ones that have stuck out I plan to answer after all this time.

WHY DON'T YOU TALK ME? Being the main one. Like I said. We use to be so much closer when I was younger. I always use to stay at your house and plays games with you. I appreciate that my love for games came from you because to me its the one of the few ways we actually bond and talk. Like when we played street fighter and FIFA a month or so back and you was playing dirt. Those moments to me anyway, mean so much because we actually are having time together. But the reason I don't talk to you, is now I guess because I've gotten so use to it and it's like normal life for me now. But isnt because I DONT WANT TO. Ive never not wanted to talk to you, except those moments where I feel I'm put on the spot. But youve said before those tense moments are the only moments we get to talk. Another reason is because I don't know how to talk to you. I just wish i could talk to you like...someone I can have a laugh with as well as my father. It's not that I want to talk to you little respect just a little less serious. Like before whenever we spoke you ask me to relax and just chill when we spoke. If I've upset you with talking to you in the wrong when then I'm really sorry. I'm not trying to hurt you. I just want you to know how I feel.

I'm not for a moment saying that I'm not partly to blame for this, and I'm not trying to put all the blame on you. I'm really not. I've never blamed you for anything. Honestly.

The reason I dont talk to you isn't just one single reason but a few. And I guess they all play their part in not talking to you.

DO YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME?
On a few occasions you've asked me whether I think I know you. The truth is I should know you. But no, I don't know you. I don't know what you think of that but it's being honest. Youve told some stories about how you was when you younger. When you a footballer and got to hold the world cup and how you left home early and met mom. How your mom and dad was like. I know that isnt much but I do listen to things you say. Like when I spoke to my old teacher and I came bad all motivated to get my work done and get things sorted but you was annoyed that I couldn't take the same advice with you. I guess I just found it easier to speak to someone who wasn't you.
Dad I'm really not trying to upset you or make you angry but I feel like some of what I'm saying may come across that way.

I don't know what else I can really say I think I've said all that can for you. I just hope you understand what I've said we can maybe move on.