Sign In
Back

Ill

The virus took the poor boys breath first, and raised his temperature.

His elder sister was terrified for him and hadn't moved for the month he'd suffered.

Even the heat from the candle by his tucked tightly bed poured beads of stinging sweat on his forehead.

It began with the yellowing rash of both arms, and soon his neck had caught fire with an itch too.

The coarse towel bedding was sanding his delicate skin down as he grappled sideways for each breath.

The virus was now becoming his legs. His chest was dancing to the arrythmic beat of the fever, and soon funny feverish ideas had made their way to his head.

His curled claws followed the itch up his neck, as the virus escaped like a curl in a carpet.

Soon the virus had guards at all posts in his body. His chest decelerated.

A calm cleansed the room.

The boy sat up after two months of disability, missing his slippers as he left the bed.

The first thing his sister felt was the young boys razor sharp and unforgiving gaze.

Then a forced kiss, hard and violent on the forehead, more gum than lips.

The boy was healthy again.

The sister lay convulsing, her last sight was of her brother beast kissing their mother, grinning wildly, with eyes like barrels of an old and wise shotgun.

The boy had the virus, now the virus had the boy.

Shackleton

@Shackleton

Student of science trying to fictionalise.

19
Stories

Similar Stories

Comments & Feedback (56)

Let me know if this makes sense, I'm looking to improve my storytelling.

So intense at the end..niceeee(:

Thanks @AwkwardTurtle that was the plan :)

@Shackleton Awesome. Really well done :)

@OllieBoyne Thanks mate, try 'the observed' of you like twists.

If#

Love it!

Marvellous

Thanks everybody!

You love your twists! The observed too!

Keep up the good work Ferry

This really is brilliant!! :£

I meant ;)

@GroundB Thanks so much, try 'the observed' if you like twists!

@Shackleton just had a read of it! It's really good as well... Great twists!

Yay! Thanks for the encouragement @GroundB

A must read for the short of attention span! In the nicest way possible. @Shackleton

@Shackleton Your most welcome! Keep up the amazing work! :)

@Shackleton great stuff

More more more @Shackleton

Totally agree @fortchoon

I don't get the ending? The lead up is great though @Shackleton

@Shackleton where's this from?

@Christoff my messed up head came up with it!

Your messed up head is amazing!!!!!

@lucandsurprise definitely my favourite compliment.

Good honest twisted fiction, loved it! @Shackleton

@Shackleton this is so sad! I can't believe you wrote this! Its amazing :D

@lucandsurprise you're too kind

@ShackletonNo, I just speak the truth! ;)

Fantastic!

I love your use of language, it's so evocative!! This truly deserves every 'like' it got :)

@JadedRobyn Yorkshire folk aren't meant to shed tears, but I'm close. You lot are so encouraging!

@Shackleton it does make sense and I actually want more

@Chelle91 fantastic, I'll get cracking! You might like my sci fi "the observed".

@Shackleton Brilliant, loved it! Messes up minds are truly the best kind (and I made a rhyme hehe)

I chant at you @Paleflower,

That soon cometh the hour,

Where it's appropriate to rhyme, at all given times.

@Shackleton lol! It should have said messed, silly typo but a good rhyme I might use again in a poem I think

@Paleflower I look forward to reading it, consider yourself followed.

@Shackleton Thank you, have you had chance to read any of my other poems yet?

Love it 😜

@Dj_Mac very kind!

@Shackleton Best thing I've read!

@Shackleton thnx 😜

I like

@powpunch thank you very much!

I don't really understand. But then I'm just about to go to sleep so maybe I'm just tired. The writing is good though :)

@TheTrueMe I would give it another go when you're fresh of mind. It is a little convoluted.

too many descriptive words, why did he give the virus to his sister and my

@shazydee he didn't, the 'virus' did. A virus naturally spreads to survive, and the boy had been possessed entirely by his own infection.

Ok, re-read and still think there is too much descriptive

Yes there probably are.@shazydee

Sorry

Similar Writers