If I Had A Hammer

(to the tune of the Pete Seeger song of the same title. Foul language involved.)

If I had a hammer,
I'd smash your fucking brains out
Smash 'em til they splatter
All over the room.
Splatter on the north wall,
Splatter on the south wall
Splatter on the closet and the door, the ceiling and the floor,
Allllll over this room.

If I had a chisel,
I'd chisel out your headstone
Til it made a list of
All of your flaws.
I'd chisel out weakness,
Chisel out betrayal,
Chisel out the greed and the pride, the meanness inside
Til I list all of your flaws.

If I had a shovel
I'd dig into the backyard
Til I had a hole
I could bury you in.
I'd bury you with dog crap,
I'd bury you with sewage,
I'd bury all the lies, all the tears that I cried.
All that, I'd bury you with.

Well, I've got a hammer
And I've got a chisel
And I've got a shovel
To bury you with.
It's the hammer of vengeance!
It's the chisel of hatred!
It's the shovel of pain that sent me insane
That I used to bury you with.