<girl>

Incredible, strong and beautiful are but a small fraction of why <girl> is an amazing person. I would not ignore her or cast her off like some love-charm in the darkness of night. Presently she means my very sanity. Ego boost is not part of my persona and everything I've said to her and meant to her is something far more reaching, beyond the small bubbles of egos that people think they have. Far more reaching than anything I've ever really stumbled upon. I say stumbled because, I honestly shouldn't have met her. This was a girl that I found instantly attracted too, hopelessly mesmerized by and unequivocally drawn too. When I think of how much she’s affected me, it makes me rethink my life and the haphazard decision processes a young boy goes through. Fiancee at 18, married at 20, father at 27. Those were choices I made when I was younger, stupider and none the wiser. I've grown into a man with grown-up problems that stem from boyhood ideas that no longer hold up against their own weight. I've lost the romantic affections and ideals I once held onto so dearly when I was younger. I've been aware of this for some time now and it wasn't until <girl> that it all solidified for me. I've been struggling with that large portion of my life for so long that she’s become a shining gem in a dark skyline of my life. And all I see is that gemstone, bright, blinding and hovering over my world. I've been in heated discussions with my significant other and explaining the loss of romantic love, for that is a real thing that people experience. Ask my younger self this question and he would have told you that it’s all bullshit and is a factitious idea in the hearts of snide men and the cornerstones of weaker ones. I contradict everything I've grown up to believe and smashed down walls that I built with my own heart and mind for a girl I've barely stumbled upon. That is the reality I’m firmly seated in. The battle I currently wage against myself with heart, mind and soul. For the choices of younger men shouldn't effect their aging years when all possibilities haven’t even come yet. When she asked me to stop saying anything I was wrought with sadness, for the first time in more years then I could remember. I could understand that she cannot possibly know what I’m going through, nor what I've been trying to unravel, which is in fact my entire life. <girl> feels I stopped trying or felt it was easier to quit her, that option is definitely easiest and quickly looked at for resolution, but those don’t get the conclusion I need, which in truth is her. The truth of the matter is I've never stopped trying and my life is in shambles because of it. That’s not even the part that scares me, it’s the fact that if I lose her, I've not only destroyed everything I've built (my life, my ideas) but I've also caged myself into something I no longer have faith in. You both may think of me as a snide and weaker man, but I feel that coming into contact with her has made me open my eyes to a much wider thing in life. And that’s personal love and happiness.
That’s just how I feel about her.