Chapter One

Once upon a time I lived a lie. A lie that was full of untruths, where my soul could not fly. My life was lonely no love or warmth, no giving, only taking. Had I realised what could have been, I wouldn’t have stayed as long.

The day I walked out the door was the beginning, I had no clue where I was going physically or emotionally but the difference was I had made a decision. I couldn’t wait to release the old me and leave it behind, yet it had an ability to try to entice me back. This was because the old was all I knew and what I believed, it was my friend, my enemy, my comfort, my hell, my source of support and my weakness. My head was swirling with possessions, money, relationships, career, they were all there, waiting standing still, I could have easily turned around and recaptured it all, the only thing that was changing was me.
Then I hit the wall, it stood in front of me, towering over me, looking down in judgment, I’d been there many times before and crippled under its power. Instinctively I knew the wall had been built a long time before I met it and for years I had wasted time on it. I had metaphorically placed beautiful things on and around the wall, growing and cultivating orchids, lilies, geraniums and climbing ivy to cover it’s hard exterior, ultimately making it something it wasn’t. But the winter had come again and all my attempts had been blown away, leaving only the hard wall. Fear had kept me in my place and let the wall win time and time again, I couldn’t go anywhere without it, allowing it into my life on a daily basis. Had you known me in my old life it wasn’t noticeably obvious, I knew what to do, I had learned denial and illusion from the best of them.

But a new birth had finally awoken me I’d been sleepwalking through life for far too long. For unknown to me, deep inside my body a miracle was taking place. A new substance was dripping, slowly at first, into my bloodstream, soon it was spreading the miracle through my every bone, muscle and organ. A purely organic and natural substance no money on this earth can buy. My body now accepting, soaking, savouring every drop allowing the transformation to take place. In my old life I had no self-belief or confidence so this was never possible and wasn’t ever an option. It was as if I had had the ingredients for all those years but no recipe of how to make it, until now.
Thankfully I was blessed with a butterfly, her wings were the most spectacular sight, every colour you could imagine and one’s you have not yet seen. The butterfly was old in years but young in her soul. She was always there for me protecting, comforting, nurturing and caring. She was my inspiration, guiding light, the steady influence, my retreat, like the honey to the bee, the spaghetti and bolognaise, magnet to the metal, the flower and the petal. She showed me the good, she nourished my soul, fed my heart and cherished me holding me close and dear. In her company time didn’t exist, we were rich in the pleasure of each other’s company. My butterfly was wise, her teachings came in the form of unconditional love, we savoured every moment together on flights of adventure to places rich in heady fragrances, flavours, warmth, light and good. She opened my horizons to the ways to go forward. My awakening brought with it new insights, setting myself free at last I can fly.
This is my story.