Monocle

@blindmuggy

Moetry

To hide my fear I became ignorant. To hide my ignorance I became arrogant. to hide my arrogance I became distant. To hide my distance I became obtuse. To hide my angle I hid myself.

@Intense

There was a woman from Calais Who loved to do ballet She fell flat on her face It was a disgrace Oh that woman from Calais.

@lauren_hutch

Polly

There was a girl called Polly Who had a dolly Who went missin Cause it was kissin A big fat trolley.

@LiteralFeline

There was a man called Sprockett. Who went to the moon on a rocket. The rocket went bang, his balls went clang and they found his cock in his pocket!.

@euan

Mat Cat

Crunch He's a mat cat A bed cat A sleepy cat A pillow cat He's a hunger cat But he is my cat My own cat My favourite cat The end.

@zimpenfish

A rugby match played under water Is quite like a vicar's young daughter Although not so much Except for the touch Of strapping young men where they n'oughta.

@zimpenfish

The man with the world's biggest penis Was placed in his own unique genus "Giganticus Wang" Was the sign that would hang In the section next to the hyenas.

@mushyprin

There was a young man from Skye, Who stuck his head in a pie; He walked round the ocean, And drank a bottle of lotion, That vexed the fisherman of Skye..