Well I Never

@nikujagagirl

The Simpsons

Marge: Bart. How did you get that cellphone?!?!?!?. Bart: Same way you got me, by accident... on a golf course..

@Andy_Hayhurst

Jimmy Saville

When I was 11, I was Jimmy Saville's wingman..

@ashleighlaurenm

Clock

If her age is on the clock shes too young for your cock Not meant to be offensive.

@aliciagiggles

Pizza guy.

What do a Pizza delivery guy and a gynaecologist have in common. They both get to smell the good but they never get to eat..

@albisher

He came to me one night, explored my body, licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill. When he was satisfied, he left... I was hurt... F***IN MOSQUITO.

@dassah

What starts with f and ends in uck most people say fuck but its firetruck.

@dos

Oliver Barrett

Oh the stench Olly is sat beside me. Woe betide he might fart. How eggy and smelly the fart is. Neverthesmellyless I fainted.wow what a smell.

@albisher

Banana and a vibrator sitting on a bedside table. Banana turns to vibrator: I don't know why you're fuckin shaking, she's going to eat me!.