Flights booked.
Heart soars.
Hotels confirmed.
Smile grows.
Lingerie bought.
Pill taken.
Calendars synced.
Excitement starts.
Fancy clothes ready.
Heart crushed.
A real date planned.
Tears running.
I love you.
I like you.
I need you.
I'm okay alone.
I want you.
I kinda miss you.
Be mine.
I'm not ready...
Dream over.
Your feedback helps chickgamer understand what's working
If I was an angel, my wings would be tipped with black...writer, lover, dreamer, thinker, complicated.
Some things will always be inexplicably connected to him, caught up in his very existence.
Hey. I got back together with her. I know. Why. I can't explain it. Something about her. It drives me wild. Around her I feel oblivious. I feel invincible. I guess I'm feeling happiness with her.
I can chose to be with someone new. Someone new who is available to love me. To love me as if I'm the best thing in his world. His world which only revolves around my happiness.
I looked out the window today. It seemed like a normal day, but it wasn't. That feeling of pain, regret, suffering, sadness, has gone. Completely gone. I am so happy. We're finally together.
Blame the boy @Irrational_Kimmi @naaviie lunch break conversation went from adorable to ๐๐ missing me isn't enough ๐ญ
@naaviie for now? Nothing. The distance is an issue he says but he says it would be different IF he moves back to London
@chickgamer oh hun that's rubbish, men are so...selfish. I'm fed up with ifs and maybes myself...๐๐๐
@naaviie we haven't stopped talking. 3 months since 'goodbye' and we talk nearly daily via text/calls. But he's not ready to be a boyfriend so I'm thinking the wait isn't worth it.
@Irrational_Kimmi least you got a "I love you" ๐๐ญ but seriously, it hurts. And I know you're hurting. I'm just tired of my emotional rollercoaster. ๐๐๐ญ
@chickgamer yeah that was denied the next day by him saying he was drunk! I know how it feels to be more than a friend but not quite a girlfriend ๐ฐ it sucks. And I too am wondering if the wait will be worth it...
@Irrational_Kimmi true. Men suck. Seriously why spend time with us if you don't want to commit to us?! ๐ก๐@naaviie win the lottery and send some my way. I can buy an island and hide away from men
@Irrational_Kimmi - naaaah you don't want my troubles ;) I'd love to be able to love as much as you though ๐
@naaviie that's what I think. But he doesn't discuss his feelings or us or the future unless I bring it up. Just meh ๐๐ can this island have good looking men to serve me though haha
@naaviie thanks hun, shame we've just booked everything for my birthday. All this effort yet no commitment? Fuck โค and fuck ๐. Now to eat ice cream!
@naaviie Ben and Jerry are my only lovers ๐ maybe if we stopped talking for a day I'd get over him. No more letters next week so nice break from my depressing self :p
@chickgamer and yeah, men ๐๐๐ I don't think thru know they do it sometimes. You know, lead us on and make us fall for them with the whole 'best friends who happen to have sex' thing. Meh.
@chickgamer haha yeah...I'm not being crude or anything but seriously, best sex ever. Ever. He's 4 years younger than me and still very full of...'energy'. And dirtyness. Omg I have to shut up now ๐ณ๐ณ๐ณ
@Irrational_Kimmi haha love it!! Be crude. Mine is 3yrs older, we taught each other a few new things. But as long as he is in the vicinity...I need a wet floor sign ๐๐
@chickgamer tell me about it! And he can just go on and on and on...hehe ok I'm getting rather...hot now ๐๐
@Irrational_Kimmi hehe well I know what you're doing later! ๐ I might try abstaining for a few weeks, heighten the tension....cos it's not like we booked a hotel next to the airport to ensure no time was erm wasted ๐๐
@Irrational_Kimmi oh I could try...but I might as well enjoy the ride (pardon the pun) one last time before I try to call it quits. I can't be a long distance booty call
@chickgamer yeah I understand the 'one for the road' idea, me and my boy did a similar thing on our last weekend. Urg I miss it. And he just text me to say he's going out for a drink with a girl 'friend' of his. ๐ I know the sorts of things he gets up to with supposed 'friends' ๐๐๐
@Irrational_Kimmi how long ago did you see him? And hugs. Christ that must be painful to hear. Does he still 'date' other females or are you his only special friend that he touches?!
@chickgamer @Irrational_Kimmi - hahaha naughty girls! Now I'm thinking of my guy ๐ I would say it's simpler cause i like the friends who have sex option - but hey, each to their own? Not gunna work is either side develops stronger feelings. And hard to get, I think, is silly, cause guys don't get it hahaha
@naaviie spreading the lust around ๐ I wouldn't mind if we were just friends but we crossed that line many moons ago. I'll just dress up and open the door with the handcuffs in my mouth. If he doesn't get that...๐๐
@chickgamer four weeks. And...I dunno really. It's not like we're going out. He's not dated anyone for ages but I know he's had a one night stand once when we were on a 'break' from being friends with benefits. I think it's just a childhood friend he's out with tonight tbh, I'm just being jealous ๐
@Irrational_Kimmi you can't help it. It's just the fact someone else gets to be with him. Mine is at his work friends house so I'm not stressing! That's good, do you tell each other if you meet other people or 'mistakes' happen on a drunken night out?
@chickgamer we're usually honest with each other - like I said, we're not exclusive (even though if it was up to me I would be) ๐
@Irrational_Kimmi men suck. Love sucks with certain men. Our have potential to be better, they just won't make the effort...
@chickgamer men do suck. Maybe this will make me swear off them for good...although I think last night he knew I was upset cuz he said he'd call me today or I should call him when I'm free. He doesn't usually do 'chatting' on the phone so...yeah. I dunno. And men have the nerve to say women ate complicated ๐ก
@Irrational_Kimmi haha I've text mine to say be free for lunchtime chat. I guess that's a good sign, he's making time to talk to you. Texting always leaves me feeling empty while a call reminds me he's made the time to talk to me. Especially when I'm the only one he calls for more than 5 mins
@chickgamer he's ruined a lot if things. Like my favourite pub, walking along the river, so many songs and movies, books, phrases, places...smells, food...they all remind me of him and what I'm missing. ๐
@Irrational_Kimmi train stops trigger memories for me. The saddo that I am. My own bedroom is a memory! When do you next see him?
@chickgamer haha yeah I can't get in my car without the memory of doing him in the passenger seat...๐ Well he won't let me see him at the moment (says its too hard etc ๐ก) so if he insists we can see each other before he goes to Nepal then I won't see him till May 2013. ๐
@Irrational_Kimmi haha oh yeah, not even backseat love ๐๐ ah that's crap. Surely it's better to see him than wait a good 9 months?! Fuck I've barely coped after nearly 4 and we FaceTime (so not the same but I get to see him smile)
@chickgamer heh he's very tall, backseat of my car is very small! I've tried to convince him but he goes all odd ๐ I think he knows how hard it will be to say bye again. Or he worries I won't leave!!! I wish we could FaceTime but his phone is from the late 90's, it doesn't even have a camera. I said we should Skype but he just looked at me like ๐ wtf. He hates technology and social networking. Really it's a wonder he has a phone and doesn't still communicate via telegram ๐
@Irrational_Kimmi omg poor you. I wish I could led you a hint of my techno geek. He's all over Skype and FaceTime. And picture messages of things that make me smile. But at least he called you today and texts you ๐ little things! Goodbye is a bitch, I'll be probably crying every night come October. Suggest to him writing letters? That's cute!
@chickgamer yeah I did and hopefully we will. He will email too, and as part of the charity work he's doing out there he has to keep an online blog (which he's not happy about hehe) so I'll be able to keep up with what he's doing. He's going to be very busy though, he's teaching Nepalese teachers how to be more effective and helping set up a teacher training academy. We're both primary school teachers (I know a make primary teacher, how omg cute is that?) ๐
@Irrational_Kimmi Aaww that is cute. And you're both adorable. And he is even more so for doing such good charity work. But he's still a meanie for not committing to you! ๐ but he's keeping in touch which is good. Gosh I shouldn't complain, mine is only a flight away
@chickgamer he is a meanie. But I love him and I can't help it. He said I could visit him in Nepal but its like ยฃ600 to fly there. I don't have ยฃ600 spare! Maybe I can sell something...Where does your guy live?
@Irrational_Kimmi sell your soul? Or a kidney ๐ ouch. But it would be worth it. Or meet half way? He lives in Belfast so we're in the same country...just a plane ride apart
@chickgamer yeah maybe I could do those medical science tests where they test drugs on people? Hehe ๐ Well at least you're in the same country, I'm not even going to be on the same continent ๐
@Irrational_Kimmi it's a easy but risky way to make money haha. Yeah that sucks for you, I don't know how you'll cope! And aww I love him again โคโคโค 5 weeks to go. I want him now!
@Irrational_Kimmi yeah I do โค๐๐ said the sweetest thing as well. Just aaww. Shame we had previously just discussed ending things and put that talk on hold till we're face to face!
@chickgamer all you can do is see what happens when you're face to face I guess. Hey, do you have kik? I'm Irrational_Kimmi on there if you do โบ
@Irrational_Kimmi haha I'm curious to see yours! Imagine David Grohl, but skinnier and less hair haha
@chickgamer you can Facebook me if you want (though I don't really do much on it and I have like...15 friends on it) but you don't have to if you prefer to stay private. Or do you have instagram? ๐
@Irrational_Kimmi I don't mind, I have both after all. Misslj88 on instagram I think and ruthlessflower on Facebook. And yeah, he is my sexy Grohl ๐๐๐
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