I'm lost...walking up the wrong way on an escalator...an idiot making the same mistakes over and over. I have the keys to heaven but I stripped them on purpose and now I am trapped inside my anger. I love stillness yet anxiety rules my life. Serenity is waiting for me...I taste it yet chaos has become what I've gotten used to and what I keep creating again and again. Happiness, true joy comes at the quietest times. I am tempted when I hear the leaves rustle in the wind and the tree branches swaying to give in and experience peace. It feels so perfect yet I chose misery and the trappings of my mind. I crave simplicity but every decision I make predictably turns into a disaster...a hurricane that I see coming but I do not seek shelter. I do not feel I deserve happiness, yet I believe everyone in the world does (minus true sociopaths). I could ramble all day but I done...for now. True Despair has not arrived at my door but I hear it's footsteps.