My Complex Relationship With My Mom

My mom and I has always been on neutral terms. But sometimes as far as all moms go, she tends to get on my nerves.

It's funny because ever since I was a teenager, she stopped taking an interest in school. I'm convinced it's because I turned out to be more geeky and nerdier than the rest of the kids in school. My brother's quite handsome so she's always been proud of him and his quiet personality. Then there's me. The bespectacled daughter who had such an awkward adolescent stage I bet she was embarrassed. Despite my good academic performance I don't think she was that proud of me. I was a straight a student in high school but it was always dad who spoilt me with gifts for my achievement. My brother who struggled with school didn't get that kind of attention from dad since dad wanted to show him tough love as do all men and their sons. I think that was what made my mom favor my brother more. Because he never got the spoilt attention my dad gave me.

Which puts me in a very uncomfortable spot with my mom. She thinks it doesn't matter that we don't have a close bond, that I never tell her anything about my personal life, let alone my relationship. She never found interest in my classes or projects in college knowing I'd wing it. But she asks every single detail about my brother's classes and friends, his achievements and problems for the day. She encouraged him from day one to follow his dreams. Not once has she spoke to me in her soft voice telling me to be patient and brace through the storm when having my finals. She only reserves that kind of sympathy for my brother. During my exams she just says good luck in a form of text message.

Maybe it's my fault? For being too quiet and reserved in my life. I was once a very talkative kid. Until the day I entered college and found it hard to socialize I preferred being an introvert instead.

But it is hard opening up to my mom. Everything I had an interest in she'd ask why on earth would I want to do that. Like why bother her to send me to music class when I don't need it. Or why on earth would I want to upgrade my camera (even if it's already 3 years old) when it would cost my father lots of money (which he wouldn't spend on my brother instead). Or why wouldn't I just hang out by myself than be with friends who could upset me or be a bad influence to my studies. I know she's looking out for me but sometimes she's just suffocating me. I'm never allowed to own a Facebook account or go out with friends because she doesn't want me going out at night. I had to sneak away from her knowing I'm going out for lunch with my course mates.

I'm blessed with parents who love me and take care of me but I do crave the kind of relationship my friends have with their moms where they tell her everything, thoughts feelings crushes relationships you name it. I can only tell me mom what results I got for my exams and how I'm fairing with my studies. But that's pretty much it. They don't treat me like an adult even if I am 20. And they'll never give me the freedom to make my own mistakes and choices in life, to learn from them and to mature.

Friends say I turned out alright where I'm disciplined mature and know how to be responsible. But I do regret not knowing how to enjoy my life even for a bit. Family vacations have always been dull and awkward for me.

I hope that your relationship with your mother is much better than mine. Be grateful for it. And never take her for granted the things she gave you.

I still love my mom. But I wish I could change a few things in our relationship.