I Will Haunt You Like A Ghost

I just want to fight everyone.

2012 was the year I got used to loneliness. This was the year I could stare it in the face and understand why I saw my own eyes staring back. This was the year everyone let me in on the secret of my life. “Don’t you get it?” They’d whisper, “you’re just causing your own problems.” They’d get louder, “You must see it, there’s no one else even involved enough to make things hard on you.” Finally, they just started screaming, “Feel it! You’ve gotta feel it! It’s the only thing left. You’re not bleeding this one out!”

Then they stopped.

Each syllable silenced and each breeze lifted my feet off of the ground. “We’re sorry.” “You’re not worth it anymore.” “You’ll figure it out.” “It’s only December.” The whiskey’s still upstairs and the glass isn’t broken. I’ve been waiting for him to come home and, now that he is, he’s farther than ever. I’ve been beginning conversations and dismissing them just as fast. I’ve been waiting for that chime of memory where I left the poet who understood. I’m just a little girl who can’t drive very well, now. My core is all washed up like driftwood on a frozen beach. All the other bodies sunk down, but even the sea couldn’t drown me. So hollow that I float. I cut off my own arm and I’m burning it for art class.