Six Fairly Useless Things You Can Do Now You're Sixteen

Hey guys, so next week is my best friend's 16th birthday, and I wrote her a poem I'd like to share with you all. Enjoy!

(PS I've taken her name out of the text in order to keep her identity secret.)

Now you're sixteen years of age,
You can drive a moped - huzzah!
That sounds kinda fun (and scary!),
But you'll have to wait for a car.

Now you're sixteen years of age,
You can join the army!
But even for you, [name],
That is a little barmy.

Now you're sixteen years of age,
You can change your name!
But anything other than [name],
Just wouldn't be the same.

Now you're sixteen years of age,
You can buy a ticket for the lottery!
But you may only win enough
To buy a little piece of pottery.

Now you're sixteen years of age,
You can pilot a glider!
But I wouldn't recommend it;
Why not become a rider?

Now, [name],
Now you're sixteen,
You can buy SOLVENT BASED GLUE!!
So when you go to the hardware store,
CAN I COME WITH YOU?!??

Any suggestions for improvements are most welcome and would be much appreciated.
I'd like to ask you not to copy this work out of respect for both the writer and its intended audience, but if you really must then go ahead.