jomacandtosh
Grab the kettle, Fill it right up, Wack on the hob, And turn the heat up, Shout out to all, 'One sugar or two?!' Grab the milk, Then grab a spoon, Sugar, sugar! Load it all up, Hear a whistle, Wack it in the cup, Pop in the tea bag, Give it…
So there's these two chefs, Called Tony and Nick, Who I work with on Saturdays And they're both a pair of dicks. I'll take in an order, And Tony swears at me! As if I want a cod and chips, With a side of mushy peas! Nick is a sarcastic ar…
A wasp! A wasp! A bloody wasp has flown into my house! It flings itself against the windows trying to get out. I hear it buzz and hiss and bizz and bazzle and baffle me, Cause when I open a window near it, it clearly doesn't see. I don't kn…
Sometimes I laugh so hard I feel like I've done 52,971 sit ups.
One day I kicked a pigeon up it's tiny bum, I don't know why I did it but it was really rather fun, It spread it's feathered wings to take off with grace, Before circling towards me and shitting on my face.
Sat in an ordered room, The clock reading ten to noon, I tap my pencil impatiently, Observing the paper before me. I'm bored and tired, My brain unwired, When suddenly I feel it, Building gradually in my pit. An urge to fart, And let my …
I wake up in the morning, And stretch with all my might, My mind is quite alive From my rather fearful night. I dreamt I was myself one day, In a house I didn't know, I dreamt I couldn't leave this house, Or it wouldn't let me go. I drea…