When you ask me to explain it
All I can say is
Its an overwhelming sad
When I know I should pray for it
Like what the hell is heaven, am I really too gay for it?
I don't think so
But I don't pray for it
The shape I am in, the curves I am made of,
My inability to hold someone for more than 3 seconds, to keep them here for more than 3 seconds
All the lies I keep telling and like my mother keeps telling me:
I am not good enough for this life
I'm not good enough for the people I am blessed with
I feel naked even in the clothes my body is dressed with
I would be normal if I hadn't messed with who I should have been
I could have been amazing
I was beautiful
I was kind
I didn't mind when someone else got more attention than me
Now it's like my outside is mirror with invisible cracks
And my inside is really just black
My home is black
My backyard is black
My bedroom is black
All of my living room is pitch black
Because this sad, it's overwhelming
Don't try to tell me who I am
I don't know who I am
My first love said that I am the most self centered person she's ever met
But the ladies at church wouldn't get that
They think I'm pretty
Love
Volunteer
Friend
Patience
Hard work
Me
One of these things will never combine with the others because I am vinegar
I am not beautiful, I am not a friend
I'm just afraid
I care about myself
My image
My life
Enough for me to have to drop you every three seconds like I do
I do have curves but they're only serrations
My lips are knives
I will cut you open with a kiss
Because this
Is a sad that is overwhelming
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@lucimaeprudence
My name is Luci Mae Girls, God, my own selfishness
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