A feeling has be weighing me down
A feeling that I cannot shake
You should be someone I want close
Not someone I want to push away
You brought me into the world
Made it difficult at times
I distanced myself from addiction
All your wrong doings and crimes
You have been trying so hard
For that, I can only admire
But your manipulative ways
Restrict me, like invisible wire
The mistrust has been quiet
Growing and spreading slow
It's now made itself known
Of you, I just want to let go
I've detached myself from dad
And now find the same with you
For your little lie here and there
Makes me feel it's all I can do
You say one thing to me
Like you are planting deceit
To my brother you say different
Your little game is nearly complete
You try to make me say things
So you can twist it for gain
Although your body's a wreck
Your mind has remained the same
I walk on egg shells with you
Don't feel like I'm being myself
Constantly watching what I say
For fear of the lies you may tell
My brother, bless him
Stands by you with feelings so strong
But I just can't bring myself to
For it just feels so terribly wrong
Your interfering and lies
Caused misery for many others
You were part of the reason
Four years, I lost my brother
You played games with us both
I think you liked the game
Pretending to care with concern
Behind our backs you talked of blame
Even after all these years
Without you anywhere near my life
Allowing you back in again
Is making me fearful of your strife
How can I let you in?
When the trust has ran for the hills
Every time I am with you
An instantaneous dread fills
You are my mother
The thorn in my side
You are not a friend to me
Or a person to who I can confide
The love and the trust
Left many years ago
I have to suppress my feelings
Even though they hurt me so
I wish you were a door
That I could forever lock
I'd never need to open it again
From behind it you may mock
©Kim Brown 20th November 2012
Want to join the conversation? Sign in to leave a comment.