same day as any

except for the girls with boy friends
secretly trying to out brag the other
he gave me chocolates
he gave me chocolates and a bear
he made me a long letter with photos of us
he wrote me a poem
he gave me a rose
blah blah blah
I'm happy for these people
for their feeling of being loved
the illusion that they might be with whoever it is they are with next valentines day
I have no plans
I'll go home
watch tv
eat dinner with my mom
pretend it doesn't affect me
but it does
barely
but it still does
secretly hoping he'll come sit by me at lunch
without me having to ask
hoping that he'll like me
which he never will
maybe even saying hi
someday I want to lay on the roof of his car
and watch the stars fly by
god he makes me so cheesy and happy
I have no chance
and that's okay
but still
there's a little spark
a little hope
that maybe he'll notice
or his nonexistent affection for me will grow
I can't give up yet with out a try
but this ones different
the rest were lies
I can see myself dating him for a year
with my eyes on him only
no one else
I won't cheat on this one
he'll be the one to change me
even though we're never to be
all around me
girls are smiling
with roses and giggles
the other half pretending that it's
"national loners day"
when really they secretly are hoping for a gift from someone
for someone to like them
I want him to secretly show up by me
and hand me a little wildflower
and then he'll kiss my nose
because caroline says that means commitment
he'll kiss my nose
and walk away
leaving me high on dopamine all day

but lets be realistic
I'm me
and he's he
and it's the brutal truth
that him and I will never be

but there's always the disappointing tiny hope in me